The Count of Monte Cephiro
by sakuramae
Summary: Um...the title kind of explains where I'm getting this from...just read, if you like. Beware, you're in for a scare! lol R&R PLEEZE!
1. Prologue

**The Count of Monte Cephiro**

_Characters:_

Lantis Dantès (the Count of Monte Cephiro)- Lantis

Umi Catalan (is to become Mme de Morcerf)- Umi

Fernand (also known as Count Ascot Morcerf)- Ascot

M. Vision Villefort (magistrate)- Eagle Vision

Noirtier and old Dantès- Yukito

Clef de Villefort- Clef

Baron Lafarga Danglars- Lafarga

Baroness Caldina Danglars- Caldina

Syaoran (worker for old Morrel)- Syaoran

Sakura Morrel- Sakura

Ferio Morrel and father- Ferio

Fuu de Villefort- Fuu

Hikaru (Grecian princess enslaved by the Count)- Hikaru

Squall de Morcerf- Squall

Aeka (witness to the plot that led to the tragedy)- Aeka

Ryoko Vampa (master bandit)- Ryoko

Irvine d'Epinay- Irvine

Cavalcantis and Debray- Touya

Abbè Mokona (a scholar)- Mokona(?)

Doctor Washu D'Avrigny (family doctor of the Villefort)- Washu

Mme Alcyone Villefort- Alcyone

Mlle Quistis de Boville (mayor and cheeseburger collector)- Quistis Trepe

Mlle Shiva Danglars- Shiva

Mme Presea Morrel- Presea

Tatra (servant to the Count) - Tatra

Tarta (servant to the Count)- Tarta

Kiyone (sailor)- Kiyone

Mihoshi (helper of Vampa's gang)- Mihoshi

Barbara Daidouji (servant to the Villefort family)- Tomoyo

Directed by- Selphie Tilmitt

_In the land of Cephiro, a bunch of people was sitting around, bored. _

Ferio: (sighs) What are we going to do? This is boring.

Mihoshi: I know! Let's ski!

Kiyone: Mihoshi, it's not snowing, you blockhead. Think of something useful for once.

Quistis: How about a play?

Irvine: That's a great idea! But, what will it be?

Selphie: (with an evil look in her eyes, and puts a big book that she's reading down) Leave that…to me…hehehe.

Lantis: (looks weirdly at Selphie) I don't think we should.

Sakura: What's the problem in that? Come on, guys, while Selphie is making our scripts, we can go out and explore the place.

Mihoshi: And ski!

Lafarga: (stands triumphantly) And eat in McDonalds!

Caldina: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries!

Syaoran: (shakes head sadly) Now this, this is messed up.

(everyone leaves, except Selphie, who starts to write vigorously)

Selphie: Haha, excellent, I am writing the scripts! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

(Mokona appears)

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Selphie: (gets an idea) Hey, Mokona, you just gave me a great plot. This is beautiful.

_A few hours later_

Selphie: Guys! Guys! I'm finished!

Tomoyo: Already? We haven't finished eating yet.

Touya: We've been eating for hours, Tomoyo. I'm getting full.

Yukito: Really? I'm still hungry.

Sakura: Want my cheeseburger?

Lafarga: Hey! I want the cheeseburger!

Selphie: (screams like there's no tomorrow) GET UP! COME ON! MOVE IT!

(everyone stands and runs outside, followed by Selphie)

Selphie: (hands copies of the script to everyone) Here it is, and I already assigned your parts. Now, no complaining, or I will be angry. We will start rehearsal tomorrow.

Aeka: (twitch twitch) I am a drunk person? Poor too? How could this be? You must be mistaken, Selphie, this part is better cut out for Ryoko, not myself. Why don't I play the pretty noble lady?

Ryoko: That's because you aren't pretty, you snob.

Aeka: What did you say?!

Ryoko: Besides, I'm fine with my part. I get to play the bandit, which is cool enough.

Yukito: (smiles) I get to play the old people.

Syaoran: And you're happy about that?

Yukito: Of course, I don't really have to say anything.

Sakura: (sweatdrop) Lucky, my part has so many lines.

Lantis: You're telling me…I'm the main lead. What has Selphie gotten me into?

Umi: Oh! I'm one of the lead females? There must be some mistake. I can't act that well.

Eagle Vision: (chuckles uncontrollably) Hey, Selphie, you make me go insane at the end. And why am I paired up with Alcyone anyway? I don't even like the old hag.

Alcyone: Old hag?! How dare you…

Washu: Oh, a doctor. Splendid. Hehe…this will be a great experience.

Clef: (glares at Selphie) I am not a boy! Why do I play the part of Eagle Vision's son? I'm 10 times older than he is!

Selphie: (nods) Well, now all we have to do is find two more people that are willing to play two servants for Lantis.

(Tarta and Tatra walk in, not knowing what they are being dragged into)

Tarta: Hey, how's it going, guys?

Selphie: (another evil look) Tarta, Tatra, my friends. How would you like to land a part in our play? You will get a lot of attention, you know.

Tatra: Sure! Why not?

Tarta: Okay.

Quistis: It's a trap!

Selphie: MWAHAHA!! I love my job! MWAHAHA!

(everyone looks at Selphie weirdly and leaves)

_the next day _

Selphie: Okay, places! Places, everyone!

Lantis: Um…Selphie, do you really think this sailor outfit is part of my costume? I don't like it.

Selphie: Get to your place, Lantis!

Lantis: But, Selphie…

Selphie: NOW!

_A few weeks later_

Selphie: (sniffs) Now, I want you all to go out there and knock the audience dead! Do you hear me? Knock them dead! Make me proud!

Ferio: (to himself) Yeah, we'll knock them dead alright, with the real guns that Selphie bought for props.

Fuu: Now, Ferio, don't worry. You're not supposed to fire them at all. They're just props.

Hikaru: Good luck everybody!

Selphie: Let the play begin!


	2. Act 1

Act 1 _Act 1 __Scene 1 _

_ _

(The stage opens up in a harbor, where Ferio is standing, looking out into the sea.A ship comes to the port, and Ferio jumps with joy.Lantis and Lafarga come out of the ship.)

Lantis: Mister Morrel!Alas, but the captain jumped off a ship to kill himself!

Lafarga: No, he didn't, he died of a sickness, you idiot.

Lantis: Oh yeah, he did.

Ferio: Oh, well, then, that must mean that Lantis will become the new captain!

Lafarga: But, you can't do that to me!I wanted to be the captain!Oops…I don't think I was supposed to say that now, was I?

Ferio: (whispering to Lafarga) Shut up and just get on with the show, for goodness' sakes.Sheesh, this is getting to be a disaster.

Lantis: I'm Captain of the Pharaon now?Oh, you do not know how much this means to me.

Ferio: Now, I hear you have a girl waiting for you back home.Go, I won't keep you here.(As Lantis is leaving) On second thought, maybe I do need to talk to you for a few minutes.Danglars, can you please go away?

(Lafarga goes away)

Ferio: So, what took you so long?Lafarga has told me that you stopped at the Isle of Elba and got off.Then he said that you got a package that must be sent to Paris.Can you give me an explanation?

Lantis: Um…I stopped at the Isle of Elba because…well…

Ferio: Well?

Lantis: Do you really want to know?

Ferio: Yes.

Lantis: Really?

Ferio: Yes.

Lantis: Are you sure?

Ferio: Can you answer already?

Lantis: (took out the package) I went to have…some of this…

Ferio: (sees what was inside the package and gasps) You couldn't!Without me?How dare you!But, no matter, does anyone else know what you did in the Isle?

Lantis: No, I'm sure of it.But, I have to take this to Paris to Noirtier, because…

Ferio: Yes, yes, I understand.Now go, that's all I wanted to know.

Lantis: Thank you. (runs out and accidentally bumps into the scenery, making it fall on top of him)

Ferio: …(is laughing inside)

_ _

_Scene 2 _

_ _

(Yukito enters, dressed as Lantis' father.Lantis comes in from the other side and hugs his father.)

Lantis: Guess who?

Yukito: (smiling uncertainly) Um…are you the new tax collector?You came at the wrong time, sir, because, you see, my son hasn't returned yet, and so I don't have money to give you yet.

Lantis: No, you idiot.Guess again!

Yukito: Ah!You are Mr. Morrel!So, have you brought news about my son?

Lantis: (sweatdrops) Do you even remember how your son looks like?

Yukito: No.

Lantis: Do you even know your lines for the play?

Yukito: No.

Lantis: (cries out in frustration) I'm your son, you dolt!

Yukito: Oh yeah!Lantis!You have come back home!Welcome, my son!

Lantis: Sheesh, are you doing okay, father?Did you need anything?

Yukito: (shaking his head) No, but forget me.There is someone else you need to see.Go and visit her now.I hear someone else is asking for her hand in marriage.

Lantis: (eyes bulge out) WHAT?!?I must hurry!

(Lantis runs out, leaving Yukito with a small box.Yukito sighs with relief and opens his box.)

Yukito: Ah, there you are.I've been looking for you.

_Scene 3_

_ _

(In the Catalan village, you see Umi and Ascot in the garden.)

Ascot: Umi, this is the final time I'm asking you, please marry me.

Umi: (smiles) I love you, Ascot, but I will never marry anyone but Edmond Dantès!

Ascot: Who's that?

Umi: Uh…I mean, I will never marry anyone but Lantis Dantès!

Ascot: (getting angry) How can you do that to me?Why are you so mean?I'm going to get really angry…

Umi: (alarmed) Um…Ascot, I don't think summoning a demon is part of the script, Ascot?AAAAAHHHH!!

Ascot: Umi, are you alright?

Umi: No thanks to you!

Ascot: Please, Umi, reconsider.

(from outside, Lantis is calling out for Umi's name)

Lantis: Umi!Umi!Are you there?

Umi: It's Edmo—um…I mean it's Lantis!

Lantis: Umi!

Umi: Lantis!

Lantis: Umi!

Umi: Lantis!

Lantis: Umi!

Ascot: Oh, shut up already!

(laughter in the audience)

Lantis: Umi, I'm asking you to marry me!

Umi: Oh, let me think about it.

Lantis: Think about it?I thought you would never marry anyone but me.

Umi: I know, but I still want to think about it.

Ascot: (heaving with laughter) You're supposed to say yes, Umi.

Umi: (glaring at Ascot) I thought you wanted me to marry you.

Ascot: (becoming stern) Oh, right.

Lantis: Great!Our marriage will be tomorrow.

Umi: But I didn't say yes yet!

Ascot: You're impossible, Umi.

Umi: So are you!

Ascot: (stomping out) That's it!I've had it!I'm leaving you two people to entertain the audience!

(goes out, leaving Umi and Lantis)

Lantis: (shrugging) So, do you say yes?

Umi: Oh, what the heck, fine. Let's go.

_Scene 4_

(Ascot is stomping out to the streets, where Lafarga and a drunk Aeka are sitting down, having drinks)

Lafarga: Hey, Ascot!Have a drink with us!

Aeka: (hiccups) Yeah, oh, this sake is great!Can I have some more?

Ascot: You were supposed to pretend to drink the sake, you weren't supposed to really drink it.

Aeka: (shrugs) Oh well, sit down, Ascot.Tell us your troubles.

Lafarga: Yeah, I bet you that you have trouble with that Lantis, do you?I do, too.

Ascot: Why?What did he do?

Lafagra: (telling the two people to lean in a bit closer) Well, you see here, we stopped by at the Isle of Elba, and Lantis got off.He met a few people, and you know what he did?

Aeka: (hiccup hiccup) What?

Lafarga: (bringing his fist down at the table) HE HAD A CHEESEBURGER HAPPY MEAL WITHOUT ME!

Ascot: (quieting Lafarga down) Shh….that's illegal.But, what do you suppose we do about Lantis?

Lafarga: (writing a letter) Here, I'll write a letter to King Eriol XIV about Lantis' loyalty to the ex-princess Emeraude.

Aeka: (drunkenly) Oh, dear me, that's not very nice.Give me that letter, you shouldn't do things like that to my friend, Lantis.

Lafarga: Oh, you misunderstood me, Aeka.We were only kidding.Here, I'll toss this letter to the bushes, and we won't talk about this again. (tosses the letter at Ascot)

Ascot: (pockets the letter and stands up) I must leave now.I have to mail something.I'll see you in the wedding.

Aeka: What wedding? (hiccup hiccup hiccup)

Lafarga: The wedding of Umi and Lantis.

Aeka: Ew…

_Scene 5_

_ _

(In a place, bunches of people are walking around in a parade.Lantis and Umi are hand in hand, while everyone else is behind them, mainly, Ascot, Lafarga, Yukito, Aeka, and Ferio)

Lantis: Finally, we're getting married, my love.

Umi: (cringes) Would you mind not calling me that?I mean, yes, Lantis, we are.Just a little bit more steps, and we'll be right in front of the church.

(a bunch of soldiers arrive)

Soldier: Who here is Edmond Dantès?

(nobody answers)

Soldier: I repeat, who here is Edmond Dantès?

Ascot: For goodness' sake, officer, there is no Edmond Dantès.The letter said Lantis Dantès.

(everyone looks suspiciously at Ascot)

Ascot: What?

Soldier: (clears throat) Okay, let's start over this.Who here has the name of Lantis Dantès?

(Lantis steps up)

Lantis: I am he.

Soldier: Then, I arrest you in the name of King Eriol XIV.

Umi: Can you wait until we're married?I don't like bad things to happen.

Lantis: I'll go with you.Don't worry, Umi.I will come back before you will miss me.

Umi: Sure, whatever.

Lafarga and Ascot: (snicker snicker)

Yukito: (coming out of a daze) Hey, that's my son you're taking!He's not guilty!I am!

Soldier: You are?

Yukito: I am?I mean, no, I'm not.Never mind.Take my son.

Lantis: Thanks, father.You're so loyal to me.

Yukito: (smiling cheerfully) You're welcome!

Aeka: What is happening here?

Ferio: Yes, please tell us, soldier.Lantis can't possibly be guilty of anything.

Soldier: Don't ask me.I'm only here to arrest people.Clear this up with Monsieur Eagle Villefort.

Lantis: Eagle?He has something to do with this?What a traitor!First, he's my best friend, now he's my worst enemy!

(The soldier leads Lantis away.Umi starts to cry, because Ascot whispered something to her, and Yukito looks sad, because he can't eat anything yet.Ferio looks concerned.)

_Scene 6_

(Eagle is standing, looking at the fireplace.He has a strong desire of burning something.At that moment, Lantis comes in.)

Eagle: Ah, so you must be Lantis Dantès.What have you to say in your defense?

Lantis: Eagle!What are you doing here?Why are you arresting me?Aren't I your best friend?

Eagle: (puzzled) Lantis, I am your best friend.Now shush, this is a play.Say your lines already.

Lantis: Oh, what lines?

Eagle: You know what, do you have the package that Ascot told me of in the letter?

Lantis: Ascot wrote the letter accusing me?He's gonna pay.

Eagle: No, Ascot didn't write it.He only gave it to me.

Lantis: (hesitates, then hands Eagle the package) Here.

Eagle: (opens the package and gasps) What are you doing with this?Who is this to be sent for?

Lantis: I was to send this to Noirtier.You know how hungry he gets.

Eagle: But a cheeseburger?You are conspiring with the ex-princess and you brought a cheeseburger from the Isle of Elba?Don't you know this is illegal?

Lantis: Gee, is that why I got arrested?

Eagle: Yes!Guards!Take this young man to the big prison in the middle of the island!

Lantis: Don't you mean the Chateau d'If?

Eagle: Yeah, that one.

Lantis: Take him away.

Eagle: Hey, that's my line!

Lantis: Well, I said it, now, they're going to take you away.

Eagle: No, they're not!Guards!Go on!Take him away!

(Guards take Lantis away, leaving Eagle alone with the package and the cheeseburger.Laughing to himself, he unwraps the cheeseburger and eats it, throwing the wrapper into the fire.)


	3. Act 2

Act 2 Act 2 __Scene 1 

_ _

(In the big island prison, Lantis was thrown into the deepest parts of the dungeons.He is talking to himself.)

Lantis: Eagle, how could he eat the cheeseburger?That was for his father!Great, what will Noirtier eat?Ham?

(Lantis sees a chipped off wall, and he pounds on it.He hears pounding and so he begins to work on breaking the wall off.He opens it up and looks into the other cell.)

Lantis: What the hell are you?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (bowing in deep reverence) Oh, you must be the renowned scholar, Abbè Mokona.Oh, dear Abbè, please advice and teach me.

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (getting frustrated) Can you even teach me?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (more frustrated than ever) Is that all you're going to say?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: …

Mokona: Pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu…

Lantis: Okay!I get it!What am I supposed to do now?

(A weird light shines on Lantis.)

Weird voice: If you kill it, it will die.

Lantis: What's that supposed to mean?

Weird voice: I said, if you kill it, it will die.If it dies, you can eat it.

Lantis: But I don't want to eat it!

Weird voice: Then don't.Why did I even bother trying to help you anyway?

Lantis: (shrugging) Leave me alone.I'll take care of this matter.

(The weird voice leaves.Mokona is still gabbling out the same syllables.As this went on and on for days, Lantis finally cracks.)

Lantis: That's it!Enough with your stupid pu pu pus!I'm getting sick of this!If you keep talking like that, I'm going to follow that weird voice and eat you!

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: ARGH!

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

(14 years pass by.Mokona was still saying pu pu pu.Lantis is sitting in the corner, shredding the stone walls, to try to get away from the fluff ball.Suddenly, the jewel on Abbè Mokona's forehead turned red.)

Lantis: What are you doing now?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

(A flying contraption appeared in the middle of the room.Lantis steps back, and then goes to examine the contraption.)

Lantis: So, you are of use.Why didn't you do this 14 years before?!

Mokona: Pu pu pu?

(Great conversation, ain't it?)

Lantis: Forget it.I'm leaving this place.And you're not coming.You can stay here and say all you want to the wall.Maybe the weird voice will talk to you.

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

(Lantis leaves, and Mokona is still talking to himself.)

_Scene 2_

(The flying contraption stopped working, and so, Lantis falls to the ocean.He lands in a secluded island and begins to explore.)

Lantis: My feet hurt. Look, there is a pile of treasure over yonder!I should get some and get rich!Yay!

(A ship comes closer.After Lantis scoops up some diamonds, the ship comes and Kiyone comes out.)

Kiyone: Hark!I am Kiyone!The pirate…I mean…the sailor!

Lantis: Yes, yes, I see.Hey, can you let me on the boat?I'm a bit stranded right now.

Kiyone: Yes, that's my job, actually.You see, this weird voice told me that if I don't land here, you will die.So, I didn't listen, and here I am.

Lantis: Okay, let's go then.

Kiyone: And your name is?

Lantis: (thinks about a name) Call me the Count of Monte Cephiro.

Kiyone: Alright, then.I will, but, you don't look like a Count.

Lantis: Just call me that anyway.For your troubles, here's a diamond.

Kiyone: Oh, cool!I'm rich!

Lantis: You know, Kiyone, those are just jewel rocks for the play.Don't think you can spend them on anything.

Kiyone: They're jewel rocks?Oh man.

(The ship sails back to the mainland.)

_Scene 3_

(In a very expensive clothes shop, Lantis was found having his measurements taken.Tatra and Tarta come in.)

Tatra: Sir, what would you wish us to do?

Lantis: Find me a luxurious hotel and also find me a woman called Aeka.I should think she still lives in my home village.

Tarta: And your village is named?

Lantis: Now that you mention it, the writer of this script never said anything about the name of my village.Just go to where the Pharaon is found.

Tatra: (glaring at her sister) I have already located the woman named Aeka.She is found at an inn off the side of the road.

Lantis: Good.Ouch!Stop poking me!I'm only taking measurements, you know.

Tailor: …

Lantis: Ouch!Stop it!Stop!You're hurting me!

Tailor: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (stares at the tailor, who transforms into none other than the Abbè Mokona) AAHH!!! It's you!No!This isn't in the script!Why are you following me?!

Mokona: Pu!

Tatra: (looks uncertainly at Mokona) Um…should I dispose of him for you, Count?

Lantis: Get him away from me!

(The weird voice comes back)

Weird Voice: If you kill it, it will die.

Lantis: Shut up!You are as annoying as the Abbè himself!Can't you see I'm in a mission of vengeance?

Weird Voice: And to whom are you inflicting vengeance upon?

Tarta: Look, Selphie, this wasn't in the script, please take this stupid voice out of the play.

Weird Voice: Bye bye.

Tatra: Now, back to business.I'll take the Abbè to the Grecian slave.She will take good care of him.

Lantis: (shivers) Good.Now, I'll be leaving to that inn in a few hours.I shall disguise myself as a priest.

Tarta: Sure, I'll have your horse and riding gear ready, Count.

(Tarta and Tatra leave, with Mokona.The Count also leaves in the opposite direction, hoping that Mokona doesn't follow him.)

_Scene 4_

_ _

(At the inn, Aeka is muttering to herself.She doesn't see Lantis come in, and so she doesn't greet him like she was supposed to in the script.)

Aeka: You fit the part, they say.Fools.Ryoko, you'll pay for this, making me play a drunkard, and now, a poor innkeeper whose husband left her for some other woman!What do they think I am!Oh, who are you?

Lantis: (a bit nervous) Um…Aeka?We're on.Can you recite your lines now?

Aeka: (out of the daze) Oh, hello, priest.Would you like a room prepared by a noble lady like myself?

Lantis: Oh, no, I'm not here to spend the night.

Aeka: (crossly) Then don't come in.Sheesh, you people.You come here and then mock me, honestly.Why are you still here?Go on, scat.Leave me to my peace.

Lantis: Hello, Aeka, I'm here to present a will made by Lantis long ago.He has told me to divide his fortune between these people: Umi Catalan, Lafarga Danglars, Eagle Villefort, his father, and yourself.

Aeka: Oooh…money?How much?

Lantis: (taking out a jewel rock) Yes, this whole diamond.

Aeka: You can't fool me, that's a stupid jewel rock.I'm not telling you anything.

Lantis: You moron, you're supposed to pretend that this is a real diamond.

Aeka: I am?Oh, right.Um…I should say, that jewel rock— I mean, diamond costs a lot of money.But why would you want to give it to those who plotted against him?

Lantis: (leaned forward, interested) What do you mean?

Aeka: (smiling mischievously) I mean, Lafarga was the one who wrote that letter that accused you of eating a cheeseburger.Ascot is the one who gave the letter to Eagle.And Eagle ate the cheeseburger instead of giving it to his own father.Besides, Umi can't be found anywhere.As for your father, well, he died of starvation, poor that he was.

Lantis: (gasps) My father?Died of starvation?Wait a minute, how did you know I'm Lantis?

Aeka: (shrugged) You're not very good at wearing disguises.If you want to fool your enemies, I suggest you wear something better than a cloak.This is stupid.Do I have to go on making better disguises for you?

Lantis: …

Aeka: For goodness' sakes, give me the diamond already.You don't need it.All the other people I mentioned don't need it.I need it.So I can live again in nobility and luxury.And leave me alone!

Lantis: Alright, already. (hands Aeka the diamond)

Aeka: Thank you, sir.Nice doing business with you.

(Lantis leaves the inn, not hearing Aeka cry out in disappointment.)

Aeka: AAH!! It's a jewel rock!Cheap freak!


	4. Act 3

Act 3 Act 3 __Scene 1 

_ _

(in the mayor's room, Quistis is greeting Lantis)

Quistis: Ah, you must be the Count of Monte Cephiro.Hello there, I'm Mlle Quistis de Boville.

Lantis: You must be the mayor.Um…why is a woman the mayor of Paris?

Quistis: (glaring at him) You have a problem pal?For your information, I have more qualifications of being mayor than you do.Now, what do you want, before I get even more pissed off.

Lantis: (clears throat) I wanted some information on the account of Morrel.Also, on the account of the arrest of Lantis Dantès.

Quistis: (nodded) I see.Well, Morrel, you say?That's easy enough.They are now in the brink of poverty.They have no money, and no cheeseburgers.

Lantis: No cheeseburgers?

Quistis: Yes, cheeseburgers are considered illegal there, but not here.I am a cheeseburger collector.

Lantis: Okay…

Quistis: As for Lantis Dantès, he was arrested because some dude wrote a letter saying that he was helping the ex-princess Emeraude to overthrow King Eriol XIV.

Lantis: But I didn't do it, honest!All I did was have a cheeseburger happy meal with some people!Really!

Quistis: (looks at Lantis suspiciously) Who are you?

Lantis: Um…I'm only kidding.Okay, thank you for the information.I'll be going now.

Quistis: Wait just a minute, sir.You seem to be forgetting something.

Lantis: And what is that?

Quistis: (points to a small figure at the floor) You are forgetting your pet.

Lantis: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (runs out of the office, leaving his pet)

Quistis: (looks at the creature) I guess he wanted to leave you here in the first place.Don't worry, I'll have you brought to the Count's house by tomorrow.

Creature: Pu pu pu!

_Scene 2_

(The Morrel household.Syaoran is looking at the cashing box.)

Syaoran: Great, no pay for me.This is great.What a sad play this is.

(Sakura comes in.)

Sakura: Syaoran, my father wants to see you.I should think it is about the amount of money we need to pay the banks.

Syaoran: Oh, great.Just great.Didn't I say that already?

Sakura: Yes, now go.I'll take care of what you were doing for a while.What were you doing?

Syaoran: Nothing.That's what.Maybe you could just stand there and do…nothing.

Sakura: You're being cold with me, Syaoran.That's not nice.

Syaoran: (alarmed) No, I'm not.I'm only reciting what the script said.I'm sorry, Sakura.Really, I am.

Sakura: (near tears) You hate me.

Syaoran: No, I don't. (runs out before Sakura could cry out and start blaming Syaoran)

Sakura: (sniffs and stands near the cashing box)

(Lantis comes in, dressed in a cloak)

Lantis: Excuse me, madam, but is your father home?I would like to speak to M. Ferio Morrel.I am a representative of the French bank in London.

Sakura: French bank in London?What prank are you trying to pull?I thought Aeka has already fixed you up, Lantis.You look the same.I could tell who you are, you know.

Lantis: Can you not fuss about my disguises?Sheesh, nobody's perfect.

Sakura: (sighs) My father is upstairs, speaking to Syaoran.I'll go to him immediately.

(as Sakura leaves, Morrel's son comes in, which is played by Ferio)

Ferio: Hello.

Lantis: (surprised) Wow that was fast.

Ferio: What was?

Lantis: Your daughter was just going to fetch you.

Ferio: What daughter?

Lantis: Sakura!

Ferio: That's not my daughter, Sakura's my sister!

Lantis: Could've fooled me.What are you doing here?You're supposed to be upstairs playing the father.

Ferio: (alarmed) Oh my!I have to go.

(Ferio runs up the stairs and runs back down, panting.)

Ferio: I'm M. Morrel.What do you want to speak of me?

Lantis: (scratches his head) Are you the son or the father?

Ferio: I'm (pant) the (cough) father (pant cough).

Lantis: Oh, ok.I am here to ask for the money that you owe our French bank in London.

Ferio: French bank in London?What the heck are you talking about?

Lantis: The point is, you owe us money.

Ferio: No, I don't.

Lantis: Yes, you do.

Ferio: No, I don't.

Lantis: Yes, you do!

Ferio: You owe me money!

Lantis: I do?

Ferio: Not really.

Lantis: I give you three days.If you don't give me the money by then, you will have to declare yourself bankrupt.

Ferio: How much do I owe anyway?

Lantis: I don't know.

Ferio: But you're the banker!

Lantis: Fine, I do know.You owe the bank a dollar.

Ferio: A dollar? (bursts out laughing) And I'm supposed to pay this in three days?This is a joke.

Lantis: (angry) You owe us a dollar per day you had your ship sailing in that sea.

Ferio: And that would be?

Lantis: (counting on his fingers because he can't add in his head) Um…two plus two…times three…13…no, that's not right.

Ferio: 12 dollars?

Lantis: No, you owe us 12,000 dollars.

Ferio: WHAT?!

Lantis: Yeah, that's it.

Ferio: (shaking his head sadly) But I don't have that much money!How can I pay that much money to your bank?I don't even think your bank exists!

Lantis: (takes out a list) You also owe money to a company, and that is also due in three days.Better get rich soon.

Ferio: (takes the list from Lantis and looks at it) Why is the company called London Company in France?This is unbelievable.I owe money to places that are completely bonkers.Who wrote this script?

(weird voice comes back)

Weird Voice: I did.You have a problem?

Ferio: (gulps) Um…no.Okay, okay, give me three days to pay the money.If my ship the Pharaon doesn't come to the harbor in three days, then I will die without paying.

Lantis: How are you going to manage killing yourself?

Ferio: Easy. (he said cheerfully) I'll help myself with one of those real prop guns Selphie bought.I could easily blow my brains out.

(from backstage, Fuu cries out)

Fuu: You are not going to kill yourself!Stop talking nonsense!

Ferio: Oh yeah.I forgot.Well?Did you get a satisfactory answer, Count?

Lantis: Count?I didn't say I was the Count of Monte Cephiro.I'm only a representative of the French bank in London.

Ferio: Figures.Ok, I'll have my daughter show you the way out.

(Before he could call for anyone, however, Kiyone comes in, tired)

Kiyone: M. Morrel!There is very bad news!

(Presea, playing the wife of M. Morrel, also comes in, accompanied by Syaoran and Sakura)

Presea: What is the commotion here?

Ferio: (stares at Presea) You're my wife?

Presea: (glares) I only show up in this scene anyway.Just ignore me.

Sakura: What is wrong, Kiyone?

Kiyone: The Pharaon…it's…failed to come!

Ferio: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Syaoran: Great, just great.Now I have no pay for another month.Sakura, I'm thinking of quitting this job.

Sakura: No, you're not.Have hope, Syaoran.

Lantis: (slinks away, watching the group talking)

Ferio: (calms down) Tell me the story, Kiyone.I want to know how it failed to come.

Kiyone: (takes a deep breath) It was a dark and scary night…

Presea: Give it up already.This isn't a scary story.We want to know how it failed.

Kiyone: Oh, right.Um…it sank, I guess.

Ferio: Great, just great.

Syaoran: Hey, that's what I always say.

Ferio: Now how am I going to pay 24,000 dollars to two banks?

Presea: You owe 24,000 dollars?

Sakura: (crossly) Yeah, to the French bank in London and a London company in France.Makes no sense, since that man just left.How long do you have until you have to have it paid?

Ferio: Three days!

Kiyone: Um…it would be convenient if I didn't get paid this time.Besides, some guy just gave me a jewel rock, um…I mean diamond.I should be able to live with that for a while.

(everyone leaves, still talking, except Sakura, who spots Lantis still standing there)

Sakura: Well?What do you expect from a poor family?

Lantis: Don't worry. In three days' time, you will receive a letter from Sinbad the Sailor.You should do well to follow whatever the letter tells you to do.

Sakura: Even if it said to shoot my father?

Lantis: No!Oh, just follow whatever it says.I'm sure the letter doesn't say anything like that.Who knows, in three days' time, you could even get married to the young man you love.

Sakura: (blush) Oh!

Lantis: I must go now.

Sakura: Um…sir?

Lantis: Yes?

Sakura: I should advice you not to return home so soon.

Lantis: (eyes Sakura suspiciously) Why not?

Sakura: Oh, just because you shouldn't return home soon.

Lantis: Nonsense.I'm supposed to return home, that's what the script says.Good day, Sakura.

(Lantis leaves, and you could hear him offstage)

Lantis: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (runs back onstage and then runs the other way)

(Abbè Mokona is seen bouncing to the other side)

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Sakura: (shrugging) Told him so.

_Scene 3_

(at the Morrel household, three days later)

Ferio: (tired and sad) I don't have any money.This is horrible. (walks toward a table and writes something)

(Sakura comes in, concerned)

Sakura: Father?Are you okay?This isn't putting you down, is it?

Ferio: (smiles) No, I'm just thinking.You better go to your mother.They need you.I need to be alone right now.

(Sakura leaves, and Ferio is picking up a gun)

(Meanwhile, Sakura gets a letter from Kiyone)

Kiyone: Someone named Sinbad the Sailor sent this to you.You should read it.

Sakura: (reads the letter) Cool.Father doesn't have to shoot himself now.

Kiyone: (surprised) Ferio was planning to kill himself?

Sakura: Yep.He sent me away so I don't have to see him blow his brains out.How disgusting that might be.

Presea: What did you say about my husband killing himself?

Sakura: Oh, nothing, mother.

Presea: By the way, your brother has come home.Maybe Ferio would want to go to his father?

Sakura and Kiyone: Huh?

Presea: You know, a father and son reunion?

Sakura: I don't think so…

Kiyone: Yeah, since you can't play two parts at the same time.

(Ferio, as the son, comes in)

Ferio: Sakura!I haven't seen you in years, sister!

Sakura: Father?Why aren't you upstairs?

Ferio: No, you must be mistaken, this is Ferio.

Sakura: Yeah, my father's name is Ferio too.

Presea: No, this is your brother.

Sakura: (looking blank) Oh, hello, brother.Will you excuse me?I need to talk to Syaoran.

(Syaoran comes in)

Syaoran: I'm right here.

Sakura: Look at this letter.

Syaoran: (looks at the letter) Yeah, and?

Sakura: Should I follow what it says?

Syaoran: But, doing what it says will be illegal.

Sakura: Yeah, but some guy three days ago said that if I wanted my father saved, I would have to follow the letter written by Sinbad the Sailor.

Syaoran: Oh, that would be Lantis.

Sakura: How did you know?

Syaoran: He doesn't know how to disguise himself.

Lantis: (from offstage) Stop making fun of me!

(laughter in the audience)

Sakura: Okay, then, let's go and buy this Sinbad the Sailor a cheeseburger.

Presea: A cheeseburger?How is that going to save Ferio?

Ferio: What about me?I'm in no trouble.I don't want to die yet.

Kiyone: Not you.Your father.

Ferio: Oh, what about my father?

(Sakura and Syaoran leaves)

Presea: Your father is going to kill himself.

Ferio: (not surprised) Oh, that's a surprise.

Kiyone: I should go now.

(Kiyone leaves)

Presea: Let's go check on your father.

Ferio: Um…I can't do that.

Presea: Why not?

Ferio: Because I'm not supposed to.I play the father, and so I can't be in two places at once.

Presea: Then stay here and do…nothing.

Ferio: Fine.

_Scene 4_

_ _

(Ferio, the father, is in his room, holding a revolver.He is about to shoot himself when he pointed the gun away from his head.Suddenly, Sakura barges in, screaming.)

Sakura: FATHER!Don't shoot!You're saved!

Ferio: (accidentally pushes the trigger and shoots, hitting a book) AAAHHH!My script!How am I going to read my lines now?!

(Presea and Syaoran come in)

Presea: NO!Sakura is too late!Ferio shot himself!

Syaoran: Great, who's going to pay me now?

Sakura: (turning to tell the two) No, he didn't shoot himself.He shot the script.It's okay, father is alright.

Presea and Syaoran: (pause) …Good.

Ferio: (cries) Why did you stop me?

Sakura: (hands him a cheeseburger and a purse) You see this purse?It has more than enough money to pay for whatever you need to pay!

Ferio: Then what is this cheeseburger about?

Sakura: That's my dowry.So I could get married to Syaoran!

Syaoran: Oh, hey, a cheeseburger.Excellent.Now my parents will actually pay me money.

Presea: Yes!Money!

Ferio: Hey, where is the guy who was supposed to collect the money?

(Lantis comes in, still in the same cloak)

Sakura: (going near the exit and screaming towards the back of the stage) Aeka!Get over here and fix Lantis up!He still looks the same!

Lantis: Lay off!

Sakura: Fine!

Ferio: Here's the 24,000 dollars.

Lantis: I don't need it.I already have more money than you.Besides, why would I take something I gave away?

Syaoran: You what?

Lantis: Never mind.

Ferio: I thought you were the representative of the French bank in London and you had mail from the company of London in France.

Lantis: Oh, yeah, I did.Give me the money.

Ferio: Here, it's all in five dollar bills.

Lantis: (takes the bills and bows) I should go now.Thank you for your cooperation.

(as Lantis left, Ferio snickered)

Presea: What's so funny?

Ferio: Well, the purse was used to be filled with those dollar bills.

Syaoran: (raising an eyebrow) And?What about it?

Ferio: Well, hehe, I swiped all the money and filled the purse with jewel rocks instead.So now, he is taking only those stupid rocks that we're supposed to pretend are diamonds.

Sakura: You are so greedy.

Ferio: Be quiet, or else you won't be able to marry Syaoran.

Syaoran and Sakura: Hey!

Presea: You have no say in that, dear.I do.

Ferio: (grumbling to himself) Who made you my wife anyway?

(weird voice comes)

Weird Voice: I did.Stop complaining.

Ferio: Humph.


	5. Act 4

Act 4 Act 4 Scene 1 

(in Rome, Baron Irvine d'Epinay and Viscount Squall de Morcerf are trying to get carriages for transportation)

Irvine: Hey, Squall, my boy, my friend.What the heck are you doing?

Squall: (glaring at Irvine) First of all, don't call me a friend.Second of all, if you were paying any attention, we were supposed to be looking for a way to transport ourselves to the Colosseum so I could study it.You promised me that.

Irvine: (scratching his head) Oh, right, right. (sees a pretty girl walking around) Oh, but it would have to wait.I have…other things to take care of.Hey, lady, how about coming with me?

Girl: Get real, jerk!I'm only an extra, you know.

Irvine: Okay, I guess she's not my type, eh, Squall?

Squall: …Whatever.

(They go into a hotel, where the manager greets them.The two people are surprised to see that the manager was none other than Touya.)

Irvine: What are you doing here?

Touya: Part-time job.

Squall: In a play?

Touya: Selphie promised to pay me, otherwise I wouldn't be here right now.

Irvine: And you think she'll actually pay you?

Touya: …What do you want?

Squall: (actually smiling, which scared many of the audience) Oh, we would want two of the best rooms in the hotel, and a means of transportation to the Colosseum.

Touya: And which road would you like to travel through?

Irvine: (looks at Squall and shrugs) The road that shows the most sites.

Touya: I don't think you'd want that.

Irvine: Why not?

Touya: Because the famed Ryoko Vampa and her bandits can be found around that area.

Squall: Bandits!Ha!Let's go to that road.I'll show these bandits.I'll shoot them with my gunblade.

Touya: So, you want to leave tomorrow with a carriage that will be heading to the road with many sites?

Irvine: No, we'll be taking the other road.

Squall: (mutters) Coward.

Irvine: Alright, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Touya: You are a coward.

Irvine: Stop saying that already.You hurt my pride.

Squall: …Whatever.

Irvine: Say, can we also have the best horses for our carriage?We'll pay triple.

Touya: Sorry, fresh out of horses.Some Count that can't disguise himself took all the horses.Why don't you ask him?

Squall: Stupid Count.

Lantis: (from offstage) I heard that!

Irvine: If you're fresh out of horses, then how are we going to get there?

Touya: Why don't you take the train?I hear it takes you to your destination really fast.

Irvine: Yeah!Squall, let's take the train!

Squall: Idiots, there aren't any trains at this time.There is only one way to travel…and that's on…HORSES!

Touya and Irvine: Oh.

(Lantis comes in)

Lantis: (seething with anger) Hey, you, two.Why don't you go ride with me?I have space in my carriage.

Squall: You don't seem willing to let us ride.

Irvine: Why do you look angry, Count?

Lantis: Never mind that.We're leaving tomorrow morning at 3 am.

Irvine: 3 am?But, it's 1 am now!How am I going to get any sleep?

Lantis: That's too bad.I'm not waiting for you.

(Lantis leaves)

Touya: Nice hospitality.

Irvine: Yeah, right.And I'm the Baron of d'Epinay.

Squall: You are, Irvine.

Irvine: What?I am?Oh, right.

Touya: (hands the two people keys) Here are your best rooms.Although they weren't really the best because the Count of Monte Cephiro occupies the bestest room in the hotel.Also, there were 12 other princes that took the next best rooms…which leave you two with the worst rooms that this hotel can give.

Squall: (glaring at Irvine) Didn't you ask for best rooms?

Irvine: Yeah, but this hotel seems crowded.

Touya: Not at all, sir.We just don't feel like giving you the best rooms.

Squall: Punks.

Touya: Excuse me?

Irvine: What my friend is saying that we will gladly take the rooms.What floor are the rooms in?

Touya: Room 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000…..

Irvine: Okay, we get it.So if we find a room full of zeros, then that's our place.

Touya: …000000213.

Squall: How many rooms do you have in this hotel anyway?

Touya: 3.

Squall: How nice.So where do the twelve princes stay?

Touya: On the second and third room.

Squall: So where do we stay?

Touya: On the fourth room.

Irvine: But I thought you said you only had three rooms.

Touya: Yeah, I did.The fourth room is the stable, where the horses used to be in.

Squall: I'm not paying mula for a stupid stable!

Touya: You're not paying at all.The money you have are stupid jewel rocks that are of no use to me.

Squall: (losing temper) ARGH!That's it!Irvine, we're sleeping out in the streets tonight!

Irvine: But, Squall…

Squall: WHAT?!

Irvine: Never mind.I thought your character was a happy-go-lucky person.

Squall: How can you be happy when you have to sleep in the stables?!

Irvine: Suit yourself.I still think that the stables are better than the streets.

Squall: Shut up!

Irvine: Oh well, we only have 2 hours of sleep anyway.

(as Squall and Irvine are leaving, Touya closes the door at them)

Touya: (muttering to himself) Losers.

Scene 2 

(the next day, or the next two hours, Irvine and Squall wake up, or was awake)

Irvine: Had any sleep?

Squall: (smiling dreamily) Oh, stepmother, I had the most wonderful dream…I dreamed I was a princess in a huge and beautiful castle…and I—

Irvine: Squall!Are you okay?

Squall: (going back to reality) Huh?Oh, no, I couldn't sleep at all.

Irvine: Sure you couldn't.

Squall: What's that supposed to mean?

Irvine: (whistling) Oh, nothing, stepmother.

Squall: (gasps) How did you know I had dreams of being Princess Jasmine?

Irvine: That was your dream? (bursts out laughing)

Squall: Not funny.

(from backstage)

Quistis: Squall is fruity?

Squall: (screaming at Quistis) I am not gay!Leave me alone!It's all that stupid Rinoa's fault!

Irvine: Oh, I see.Now this is becoming quite understandable.

(A carriage comes near them, and Lantis is poking his head out.As they neared a sign, Lantis bumped his head and fell out of the carriage.)

Irvine: Nice landing.

Lantis: Thanks.I mean, ouch.

Squall: Let's go steal the carriage!Come on, Irvine!Let's go!

(Squall and Irvine jump in the carriage, and it speeds away, leaving Lantis on the ground.)

Lantis: Hey!Wait for me!I am the Count of Monte Cephiro!I'm supposed to be in that carriage!

(Laughter from Irvine and Squall)

Lantis: Wait!Great, I'm stuck here with no one to drive me.What am I going to do?

(Weird voice suddenly comes)

Weird Voice: If you run, he won't follow.

Lantis: Who won't follow? (remembers) Oh, no, not again!

(Abbè Mokona appears)

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! Squall!Irvine!Let me in!Let me in!Don't leave me! (runs as fast as he can to catch up to the carriage.

Mokona: Puuuuu!

Scene 3 

_ _

(the few hours, in the same hotel, at the same day)

Squall: Whew, I'm tired from yesterday's journey.

Irvine: Tired?You weren't the one who ran from Rome to Venice by foot.We were in a carriage the whole day.

Squall: Yeah, but still.Laughing at the Count of Monte Cephiro was tiring enough.

(audience is surprised to hear that Squall actually has humor)

Irvine: (finally notices the audience) Hey, who's watching this play anyway?

Squall: (turns to look and his eyes widen) What the…!

(Lantis comes in, tired from all that running)

Lantis: There you are.I've been looking all over for you.

Irvine: Um…Lantis, we were right here.

Lantis: YOU LEFT ME WITH MOKONA!HOW DARE YOU!I ALMOST DIED!

Squall: But you didn't…so knock off.

Lantis: (also looks at the audience) Hey, I haven't seen these people in Cephiro before.

(Weird voice comes in)

Weird voice: Can you get with the play now?!

Lantis, Squall, and Irvine: (grumble grumble)

Lantis: Hey, there are two executions going on today.Would you guys like to see it?I have a window overlooking the area.You'll have a first class view.

Squall: Oh, sure.

Irvine: I would really like to see someone get chopped to pieces.

Squall: Yeah, it would almost be like Ferio blowing his brains out, but even better.

Ferio: (from backstage) I shot my script!

(Touya comes in)

Touya: Oh, you losers are back.Hey, M. Count, how come you're clothes are all tattered and torn?

Lantis: (rolling his eyes) Because I kissed a maiden all forlorn?

Touya: (didn't seem to get the joke, probably because of lack of nursery rhymes when he was young, remained unmoved) No, really, why are you like that?

Lantis: Because the two losers stole my carriage.

Touya: (with interest) Oh, really?Hey, did you ditch him in the streets?That's funny.

Squall: Yeah, he was running and screaming like a girl.Saying something about not wanting to be stuck with Mokona.

Irvine: Come to think of it, the Count was even girlier than Squall and his dreams of becoming Princess Jasmine.

Squall: Knock it off!The audience will hear!

Lantis: The audience has already heard.And I do not scream like a girl.

(Abbè Mokona enters, making Lantis scream, like a girl)

Mokona: Pu pu pu! (then he leaves, making Lantis stop screaming)

Touya: You do scream like a girl.

Lantis: No, I don't!

Touya: Fine, be that way.Shouldn't you hurry?The executions are coming up in a few minutes.

Squall: Oh, right.Let's go and watch Mihoshi get murdered.

Mihoshi: (from backstage) I thought I was only a thief helper.How come I'm getting murdered?

Washu: (from backstage) Because you are an idiot, and not even Ryoko would want to rescue you.

(whisper whisper in the audience)

Irvine: Well? Let's go!

Lantis: Follow me!

Scene 4 

_ _

(at the execution, Squall and Irvine are cheering)

Irvine: Yeah!Let 'em have it!

Squall: Shootthe stupid thing!

Lantis: (getting angry) No!It's too late!Shoot now!NOW!

Squall: (cheers) YEAH!And Shaq scores again!

Lantis and Irvine: WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO!

(the audience realizes that the three are watching a basketball game)

Touya: (comes in) Hey, what about the execution?

Squall, Lantis, and Irvine: …

Touya: Hello?

Squall, Lantis, and Irvine: …

Touya: GET ON WITH THE PLAY!

Squall, Lantis, and Irvine: …

(Touya gets frustrated and pulls all three of them out of the television set and towards the area where the execution was starting.)

Irvine: Hey!No fair!That was only the third quarter!

Squall: I wanna see the game!

Lantis: (finally getting back to reality) Oh, look, there are two people getting murdered.

Squall and Irvine: Huh? Where?

(the three watch as Mihoshi and Aeka are being put on the middle)

Lantis: Hey, why is Aeka there?

Irvine: Must be substituting for the extra who didn't want to get hanged.

Squall: Aeka is getting hanged?

Lantis: Nonsense, if she was, then wouldn't she be panicking right now?

(Actually, Aeka was kicking and screaming at the people who were dragging her up to the gallows.)

Irvine: Yeah, Squall.Aeka doesn't seem to mind going up there.

Lantis: Wait a minute!I'm supposed to save Mihoshi from the guillotine!Touya!Get Tarta and Tatra, NOW!

Touya: (grumbles) After all I've done, this is the respect I get.

(hours later, Tarta and Tatra come in)

Tarta: You rang, Count?

Lantis: Yeah, I did, hours ago.Do you think the execution would wait for you?

Tatra: Of course not, that's why Mihoshi is not there anymore.I've taken care of it, sir.

Lantis: You did? (turning back to the execution)You did!Splendid!

Squall and Irvine: (watches as Aeka was hanged) Oh, dude!How gruesome!

Tarta: (also curious) What are you talking about?There isn't even any blood on her.

Irvine: This is horrible.

Tatra: How is it horrible?

Squall: We just missed the championships!

(Lantis, Squall and Irvine began to cry like little babies when the curtain closes.Selphie comes out.)

Selphie: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.Pardon me, but this is the time we get refreshments!If you would follow Mokona, you will be brought to McDonalds for some things to eat.We will be continuing the show in an hour!Thank you!

(audience follows Mokona, who was smiling evilly)

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

During intermission… 

_ _

In the girls' dressing room… 

Aeka: How dare you!My neck almost broke in that rope!And what would you do?!NOTHING!

Ryoko: Heh, I would have left you there, if it weren't for Sakura, who thought that even if you hated someone, you still had to keep that person alive.

Sakura: I didn't say such a thing.I said that she was making too much noise, and we had to get her down from there.

Washu: Yeah, I do recall Aeka whining like a siren.

Aeka: I did not whine like a siren!

Umi: Of course not, you sounded more like a chipmunk to me.

Fuu: That's not nice.We all should get along with each other.

Alcyone: Look who's talking, little girl.You were the one who used to call me old hag and witch.

Fuu: That was because you were an old hag.

Alcyone: You were an old hag!

Fuu: If I'm a hag, you're an old witch!

Alcyone: (was restrained by Tatra and Tarta, who didn't want Alcyone to unleash ice powers) You're gonna die, hag!

Presea: Really, Alcyone, can you hold your temper?

Quistis: If you ask me, we're never going to get along.Might as well just stay silent.

(throughout the silence, Hikaru suddenly speaks out)

Hikaru: Where's Caldina?

Quistis: Hey, Shiva's missing too.

Mihoshi: Kiyone, didn't you see them before we came here?

Kiyone: Not really, Tomoyo told me that they were heading for refreshments as well.

Sakura: Tomoyo?What are you doing?

(Tomoyo was moving around the room, examining the walls and the ceiling)

Washu: What is she doing?

Tomoyo: (frankly) I'm checking the walls for hidden cameras.You know how perverted the guys are, snooping inside the girls' dressing room.

Everyone else: Oh my! (they all started to look around the room, careful not to miss anything suspicious)

(Caldina and Shiva enter, carrying two bags of McDonald meals)

Shiva: What are you guys doing?

Fuu: Checking for hidden cameras.

Caldina: Why would you do such a thing like that?I mean, I know I have such a beautiful body!It would be selfish not to let them see it!

Umi: Ugh…she's a bit too weird.

Hikaru: (wondering to herself) No wonder Lafarga likes her…

Quistis: What are you guys carrying?

Shiva: Oh, something to eat before we begin the play again.My stomach was grumbling, so I got Mokona to mislead the audience and we went to McDonalds to buy whatever before they got there.

Ryoko: Just where did Mokona bring the audience to?

Caldina: Um…I think he led them to the Water Shrine.

Umi: What?!But, I left Selece there!What are they going to say when they see an 80 foot dragon?!

Fuu: Oh, don't worry, Umi, perhaps, they won't see the dragon at all.

Aeka: Yeah, maybe Mokona has decided to bring them back before they could explore too much.

Alcyone: Or else, the ugly girl's dragon already swallowed them up for dinner.

Umi and Aeka: Who are you calling ugly?!

Mihoshi: Um…I don't think there are any cameras anywhere.Can we go eat now?

Kiyone: Can't you think of anything else but food?

Tomoyo: Okay, let's dig in!

In the boys' dressing room… 

Lafarga: Hey, Ferio, didn't you have cameras installed in the dressing rooms?

Syaoran: You're such a pervert!

Lafarga: No, I'm not.I just appreciate beautiful women.

Squall, Lantis and Irvine: (eyes glued to the television screen, which was still miraculously showing the championship game) WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO!

Clef: Are they ever going to stop watching that?

Eagle: Hey, it seems interesting.

Touya: Stupid basketball game.It threw off my groove.

Ascot: What groove is that?The inability to read nursery rhymes?

Touya: Hey, just because I never read a nursery rhyme before doesn't mean that I can't read!

Yukito: He can't read.

Touya: Hey, I thought you were my best friend!

Eagle: (joins Irvine, Squall, and Lantis) WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO!

Clef: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!HELP!GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Television set: And it's our moment of truth…Shaq takes the ball and he shoots…HE MISSES!

Squall, Lantis, Eagle and Irvine: NO!!HE MISSED HOW CAN SHAQ MISS?!?!

Ferio: For goodness' sakes, it's just a basketball game.

Squall: (turning to Ferio with bloodshot eyes) Just a basketball game?Do you know how important this is?

Irvine: (also looking at Ferio with bloodshot eyes) This…game, was the most important all season!And who won?THE LAKERS!

Lantis: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!This is worse than Mokona following me!

(the boys' dressing room was filled with anguishing cries, whether it was a cry that resulted because of the losing game, or because someone was getting choked to death by Clef)

Clef: Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!ARGH!

Ascot: Clef!Calm down!Don't get this worked up!You haven't even had your part in the play yet!

Clef: I don't care!Just let me squeeze his neck…(squeezing Irvine's neck)

Irvine: (hack)…Let…me…go!

Syaoran: (pries Clef's hands away from Irvine's neck) Who knew such a small kid had somuch strength in him?

Clef: Don't you start!

Syaoran: Alright, alright, geeze.

Ferio: (looking suspiciously at Lafarga) What are you having over there, Lafarga?

Lafarga: Oh, this?It's a cheeseburger!

Yukito: Oooh…can I have some?

Lafarga: (handing Yukito a cheeseburger) Sure…here.

Touya: I've gotten sick of cheeseburgers.

Syaoran: Yeah, I think I'm going to be a vegetarian from now on.

Television set: So, we have our interview with the star player who missed the one shot that would have made the Lakers lose today's championship game.So, Mister O'Neil, how does it feel losing a game through your actions?

Lantis: Oh, turn that thing off.What a disappointing game.

Irvine: What a disgrace!

Squall: Hey, don't you think we stayed in here for too long?

Clef: (turning red) We've stayed in here for over an hour!Selphie, no doubt, will be barging in here to yell at us!

(at that moment, Selphie barges in)

Selphie: ALRIGHT!GET OUT AND DO YOUR THING!

Everyone: (groans and gets out of the room)

Act 4 Scene 5 

(Squall and Irvine come in, grumbling about the championship game)

Irvine: I still say that someone rigged the ball…

Squall: Hey, don't you think we should be going, to…um, the party tonight?

Irvine: Yeah, sure, maybe we could lighten up.

(the two head towards the Count's carriage, when Lantis arrives)

Lantis: Hey, what are you two doing with my carriage?

Squall: We're going to a party.Wanna come along?

Lantis: No, it's okay, hehe…I have some things I have to do anyway.I'll see you in the tombs!

Irvine: What did he mean by that?

Squall: Maybe he's having another breakdown?

Irvine: I don't think so.

Squall: Anyway, let's go.

(The two ride the carriage and they go to the party on time.A girl waves at Squall)

Irvine: Why is she waving at you?

Squall: …I don't know.

Irvine: (looks in closer) Hey, she looks like Rinoa!

Squall: AAAAAAH!! (Runs out of the carriage and is being chased by a Rinoa look-alike.You don't think I would put her here, do you?)

Irvine: I'll meet you in the hotel after your little date, ok, Squall?

(Irvine heads back to the hotel, taking the carriage with him.Squall wasn't heard from until the next morning, where Irvine gets a letter.)

Touya: A letter from Squall.

Irvine: Huh?Oh, maybe he eloped with that Rinoa look-alike.

Touya: I don't think so.You saw how fast he ran away from her.

Irvine: (reads the letter out loud) "Dear Irvine, I need money!I so very need money!Lots of money!So much money that a gang of bandits will be satisfied with it!Oh, did I say gang of bandits?Hehe…well, GET ME THE MONEY!I think 10,000 dollars will be enough.Come quickly!Viscount Squall de Morcerf.P.S.Ryoko Vampa has a knife right at my throat, so that must mean that bandits really do exist."Well, he's kidnapped by Ryoko Vampa.How nice.He's KIDNAPPED!OH NO!I don't have that much money!

Touya: That's quite too bad.Oh well, maybe you could ask the Count of Monte Cephiro for some money.

(Lantis comes in)

Lantis: What about me lending money to people?What do you think this is?A charity play?

Irvine: You should lend money, because you probably told Ryoko Vampa to kidnap my friend so both of us could get bankrupt.

Lantis: (indignantly) I did not!

Touya: You did too.I saw Ryoko come here last night.

Lantis: That was…because…she thanked me for saving Mihoshi's life.Yeah, that's it.She thanked me.

Irvine: Sure…..

Lantis: Alright, I'll go with you.

(The two got into the carriage and went to the bandits' hideout.Ryoko met them there.)

Ryoko: Well, hello there, visitors!What brings you here?

Lantis: This Baron accuses me of telling you to kidnap Squall and hold him for ransom.

Irvine: Did you or did you not trick my so-called friend and hold him for ransom?

Ryoko: Looks like you found me out.All right, Lantis did tell me to capture your friend.

Lantis: You weren't supposed to tell him!That was between you and me!

Ryoko: You didn't pay me enough, Count.Besides, you didn't tell me to hold him ransom.Your exact words were to capture and physically torture Squall.

Irvine: How could you?!After all we've gone through!You still hold a grudge and want to torture Squall?!

Lantis: (looking wildly) He hijacked my carriage!You should pay too!

Ryoko: (holding up her hands) Look here, this isn't in the script.Better play along, or I will blast both of you to oblivion.

Lantis and Irvine: (gulp)

Irvine: Okay, Ryoko, I will prepare to pay the ransom.

Ryoko: What ransom?I was only kidding.

Irvine: So Squall is free to go?

Ryoko: Not really.This Rinoa look-alike is holding him captive.I think he's locked himself in the dungeon to get away from her.

Lantis: Typical.Show us to him.

Ryoko: (shrugs) Suit yourself.Better be careful, I have a gang of bandits around here.

(they head towards the farthest corner of the caves, and Ryoko stops them)

Ryoko: Behold, my gang of bandits!

Lantis: (blink blink)

Irvine: Hi, Mihoshi.

Mihoshi: Hi, Ryoko!Hi, Irvine, Lantis!What are you guys doing here?

Ryoko: (sweatdrop) What?!This is my gang of bandits?What is the meaning of this?

Aeka: (from backstage) Ho ho ho!

Ryoko: (hearing Aeka) Well, that (beep) will (beep beep) pay for this…

Mihoshi: Um…Ryoko, I think that was enough words to say for now.

Irvine and Lantis: (stared at Ryoko for the language she used)

Ryoko: (glared at the two men) What?Don't you want Squall?Come on, then.

(Ryoko floated in the air and took out a key.She opened up a dungeon door and yelled inside)

Ryoko: Yo!Squall!Irvine came to get you!

Squall: (still half asleep) Not now, stepmother.It's only morning.Wake me up at sundown…(snore)

Lantis: SQUALL!

Squall: WHAT?!

Irvine: You woke him up.

Squall: (coming out of the darkness and looking furtively around his surroundings) She isn't here, is she?

Ryoko: Who?

Squall: (looking scared) Her…that…no good…sorceress wannabe…She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!

Irvine: Rinoa?

Squall: (gasps) You said the name!

Lantis: What's wrong with saying Rinoa?

Squall: Stop!Don't jinx me!

Ryoko: (shaking her head) I think his reserve has gone down.You should take him now and give him some rest.

Irvine: Whatever you say.Come on, Squall, don't worry, You-Know-Who won't harm you now.

Squall: Who?Voldemort?

Lantis: This is hopeless.Why didn't we just leave him there?

Squall: (coming back to some of his senses) Because, my mother Umi will get worried and get mad at you.

Lantis and Irvine: WHAT?!?!

Ryoko: He's still hallucinating, just take him.I don't want to hear his whining anymore than I have to.

(Lantis and Irvine drag Squall out, into the carriage, and back to Rome)


	6. Act 5

Act 5 Act 5 

_Scene 1 _

_ _

(In the bank of Baron Danglars, Lafarga is sitting in his nice seat.Lantis comes in.)

Lafarga: Hello there.What can I do for you, um…

Lantis: Count.I am the Count of Monte Cephiro.

Lafarga: Right, right you are, Count.Well, what brings you to this bank?

Lantis: I'm giving you here some notes that says that I can get unlimited credit for the year that I will stay in Paris.

Lafarga: (starts) Unlimited credit?What do you mean?This is preposterous.Why don't you just settle for something like…a million?

Lantis: A million?I carry that much amount in my suitcase in case I want to buy something I like. (with this, he shows Lafarga the inside of his suitcase)

(inside the suitcase was a bunch of jewel rocks)

Lafarga: Um…Those are worth a million?

Lantis: Yes, they are!Now, I want to start with 6 million.

Lafarga: 6 million cheeseburgers?

Lantis: NO!6 million dollars!

Lafarga: Oh!Right, right.

(Abbè Mokona comes in)

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (gasps) How'd you get here?

Umi: (from backstage) Mokona!Get back here!

(sadly, Mokona goes to where Umi was beckoning him and leaves the stage, to Lantis' comfort)

Lantis: Phew.I was almost going to have another breakdown.

Lafarga: Okay, here is your check of 6 million francs.

Lantis: Francs?I wanted 6 million dollars.

Lafarga: What do you need 6 million dollars for?This is France.You don't need American money, you need French money, otherwise called francs.Sheesh, you people are clueless.

Caldina: (from backstage) You tell him, Lafarga!

Lantis: (grabs the check) Fine!Be that way!I'll take this stupid check!

(Lantis leaves, and doesn't notice that the floor is slippery.Lantis slips and slides right down the stage, where he lands at the bottom with a thump.He loosens a light and the light falls on him, knocking him out for a while.)

Lafarga: Oh dear…who's going to play the Count?

(from backstage, you could hear murmurs)

Wake him up! 

_How? _

_Shake him! _

_Threaten him! _

_I know!Tell him that Shaquille O'Neil won the championship basketball game! _

Okay! 

Hikaru: (comes out of the stage and approaches the unconscious Lantis) Hey, Lantis.The championships are still playing.

Lantis: (nodding) Uhuh.

Hikaru: Wake up!Shaq won the game after all!

Lantis: (wide awake) WHERE?

Hikaru: (glad of herself, stood up and went backstage) Get on with the show!

Lantis: (scratches head and walks back up on the stage and moves backstage) I will be seeing you, Baron, will I?

Lafarga: You can count on it, Count…hehe…

Scene 2 

(In Squall's premises, Squall and Umi are drinking tea.Presea enters, dressed as a servant.)

Presea: M. Morcerf, a man who gives his name Count of Monte Cephiro wants to come and have tea with you.

Squall: (spits his tea back into the cup) How does he know my mother and I were having tea?

Presea: I don't know. Why don't you ask him yourself?

Umi: But, I'm also expecting visitors, you know.

Presea: I know, mistress, but, if he doesn't get in, he threatened to use his magic and bore a hole into the wall.

Umi: (frustrated) Oh, he sounds like someone from a long time ago.Let him in.I will be upstairs, Squall.If you have need of me, then just ring. (gets up and walks out)

Squall: You're not even going to stay and see who the man is?

Umi: Hell no…I mean, I don't have the stomach to look at his ugly face right now…Oh, I just don't want to see him.

Presea: I will be going with you, Mme Umi.

(Umi and Presea leave, and Lantis enters, smiling a bit too happily at Squall)

Lantis: Ah, there you are.I find that you have been drinking tea, yes?

Squall: Well, if you must know…

Lantis: Okay!Now, on to business.

Squall: (irritated) What do you want?

Lantis: I heard that the young Ferio Morrel would be coming here today, accompanied by his sister Sakura and her husband Syaoran.

Squall: Yeah, what about them?

Lantis: Can you introduce me to them?

Squall: You're asking me?Why don't you introduce them yourself?You seem to know when to barge in to people's tea times.

Lantis: (glares) This isn't England, you know.

Squall: Who cares?That tea was quite good.Want some?

Lantis: Actually, I kind of…

Squall: I thought so.I mean, you wouldn't want English tea, now, would you?Oh well, I did offer it to you.

Lantis: But…

Squall: I'll have Presea put the tea away. (rings the bell and Presea takes the tea and cups away, to Lantis' disappointment)

Lantis: I came here so I could have some TEA!But did you give me any?NOOOOOO!!!MAN!YOU HAVE NO HOSPITALITY AT ALL!

(Presea comes in again)

Presea: The Morrels and Syaoran have come to see you, Monsieur.

Squall: Ah, show them in…oh, and Presea, please set three sets of tea cups for the three guests.Oh, and one for me too.You could never get that much tea!

Lantis: What about me?

Squall: You were never invited, in that case, get your own TEA!

Lantis: Fine, I will.TARTA!TATRA!

(Tarta and Tatra enter)

Tarta: Yes, sir?

Lantis: Get me a tea cup and my home made tea.

Tatra: Done. (and with that, Tatra hands the Count his tea cup and the tea pot.)

(Tarta and Tatra leave hurriedly, knowing what their master will do when he has had some tea)

Lantis: (sings to himself, to Squall's mortification) I'm a little tea pot, short and stout.Here is my handle, here is my spout.When I get all steamed up, then I shout!TIP ME OVER AND POUR ME OUT!!!!

(Luckily, before Lantis could sing it for the next 30 minutes, Ferio comes in accompanied by Sakura and Syaoran.)

Ferio: Ah!Squall, my friend!How have you been?Still getting married to Mlle Shiva, I hear?

Squall: (nods head sadly) Yeah, and she never talks to me.

Syaoran: I would wonder…he doesn't talk much either.

Squall: What did you say?

Sakura: Syaoran says that he likes your house.

Syaoran: I do?

Squall: He does, does he?Splendid.Why, back when I was a little boy, I had…

Lantis: We don't want to hear your story, Squall.Why don't you give them tea?You had three cups set out for them, didn't you?

Squall: Of course, of course. (shoots Lantis a hideous glare) Come, do sit down.

Sakura: Why, thank you, Viscount Squall.

Syaoran: You know, I heard that your friend Irvine is getting married to…Fuu de Villefort.

Ferio: (began to sip tea until he hears this and spits the tea out) WHAT?!

Lantis: Oh, is she the daughter of Eagle Villefort and Alcyone?Hehe…what a great couple those two make.Whatever happened to Fuu's grandfather, Noirtier?

Sakura: Oh, he's still alive, and hungry, and being taken care of by Fuu herself.Alcyone's only stepmother to Fuu.I hear she's obsessed with her son, Clef.

Lantis: How about Clef?Does he take care of his grandfather as well?

Squall: (laughs bitterly) No, of course not, he's only a kid.

Clef: (from backstage) A KID?!WHO IS HE CALLING A KID?!

Lantis: And Eagle Villefort?

Syaoran: Well, he's still there, the same old same old magistrate.Still hanging people for their cheeseburgers.It's fortunate that the mayor is also a cheeseburger collector, so in that case, Eagle can't eat the cheeseburger himself.

Sakura: Then who eats it?

Syaoran: Why, Quistis de Boville herself!

Squall: (also spits his tea back, again) Whoa!Quisty!Eat all that cheeseburger?

Quistis: (from backstage) Hey!At least I'm not fruity!

Squall: I'm not fruity!

Quistis: (snicker)

Squall: Grr…

Lantis: Well, anyway, it's been nice knowing all of you.

Sakura: Hey, you look familiar.Haven't I seen you before?

Syaoran: Duh, he was the one who—

Lantis: Oh, no, I'm sure you haven't seen me before.Must be your imagination.Well, I must be going now.Bye bye!

Sakura: But we don't know your name!

Lantis: It's L—the Count of Monte Cephiro!

(Lantis leaves, this time, watching to see if there are any spills on the floor.He was lucky, and didn't slip, that is, until he got backstage, where he slipped and grabbed on the curtain, making a huge ripping noise that even the audience heard.)

Squall: That's the new Count that inhabits that house in that place where those trees don't grow anymore.

Syaoran: Really?He must be rich, then.What do you say, Ferio?

Ferio: (still stunned with the fact that Fuu had to marry Irvine) Fuu…she's…marrying Irvine…how could she?

Sakura: Don't worry, brother dear, I'm sure it will work out.I don't really think she like him anyway.

Ferio: That's not what I'm worrying about.Oh, no, I'm worried that he likes her…which is understandable because Irvine is such a pervert sometimes.

(Weird voice comes)

Weird Voice: Hey!Don't speak about my Irvy so!

Squall: Oh, get over this, sheesh.Selphie should know that her Irvy likes Quistis better…

Syaoran: Can we not talk about who likes who?

Squall: (looking hurt) Fine.I guess that's all you came here for, right?Tea?

Sakura: (looking sorry) And we are terribly sorry for barging in today, since we didn't know you had another guest.

(Sakura looks up, seeing Tomoyo taping each move that the Card Mistress made.Laughing nervously, she looked back at Squall.)

Squall: So, I'll have Presea clean this place up. (he rings the bell and Presea comes in, this time, though, you could see her anger as she mutters to herself)

Presea: I'll ring up Presea to bring the tea.I'll ring up Presea to take away the tea.I'll ring Presea up for all this crap that I could as well do myself but am lazy to do.

Ferio: (overhears this and looks up) Presea, is there a problem?

Presea: (smiling her pretty smile) Oh, no, M. Morrel.No problem at all.It's just that you haven't drunk your tea and I don't like it when my tea goes to waste.

Ferio: Oh, okay. (takes the tea and drinks it in one gulp, making him choke and cough for a while)

Syaoran: (pounding on Ferio's back) Are you okay?

Ferio: OUCH! NOT TOO HARD!MY GOSH!

Sakura: Well, he's okay.Let's go, Ferio, Syaoran.We shouldn't be bothering Squall when he is going to have a conflict with his servant.

Squall: What do you mean conflict?

(Before anyone could answer, however, Sakura dragged Syaoran and Ferio out of the door.)

Presea: (glares at Squall) I quit.

Squall: Quit?This is a play, how can you quit?

Presea: Like that.I quit.I'll work for the mayor, but whoever I work for, it won't be YOU!I'll even work for your mother!

Squall: What's wrong with you?

Presea: What's wrong?WHAT'S WRONG?!?!Presea this, Presea that, you just can't get enough of Presea doing things, can't you!I'M LEAVING!TELL YOUR FATHER FOR ALL I CARE! (stomps out, throwing the plastic tea set at Squall.)

Squall: (shrugs) Oh well, better get another maid.

Scene 3 

_ _

(We are now in the Count's house.Lantis is in the room, looking out the window.)

Lantis: TATRA!! TARTA!!

(Tatra and Tarta enter, looking a bit peeved)

Tarta: Why can't you ring the bell?

Lantis: That's because I like yelling better.Makes me feel mighty and powerful.

Tatra: What do you want this time?

Lantis: Can one of you lasso two stampeding horses?

Tatra: What do you think we are?Circus girls?

Tarta: I can, why would you want someone to lasso a stampeding horse?

Lantis: Alright, Tarta, I want you to stay outside with some rope and Tatra, I want you to brew that poisonous elixir that usually cures me of my sickness.Come, come, hurry up.No questions.I'm in a hurry.

Tatra: You're always in a hurry.

(A few minutes later, Tarta sees two stampeding horses coming towards the house.As the horses and carriage near the house, Tarta flicks her rope and lassoes the horses, making them stop right in front of the Count's house.)

Tatra: (was looking at a nearby window) Wow…I didn't know she could do that.

Lantis: I didn't either.

Tatra: (gasps) How'd you get there?

Lantis: I heard the commotion, so I came down here.Now I have to go and see if the people inside would need assistance.Give me the potion.

Tatra: Oh, but, I'm…(Lantis leaves) not done with it yet.Oh, dear, if he gives it to one of those people, that person will be suffering from headaches.Oh well, not like I care.

(Just then, Alcyone comes out of the carriage, holding Clef in her arms.She looked disgusted.)

Lantis: Madam, that was quite a scare, wasn't it?

Alcyone: You're telling me, look at my son!He's half dead!

Lantis: Why don't you come in and I'll have him revived?

Alcyone: Oh, no.You're not touching him.You might poison him.

Lantis: GET INSIDE!

Alcyone: Okay, okay, no need to scream at me.

Clef: (whispers) It's not like I'm really gonna die, Alcyone.I'm a sorcerer, I know when I'm getting poisoned or not.

Lantis: (snickers and leads Alcyone and her son to his house, where Tatra was waiting) Tatra, where is the potion?

Tatra: Um…you have it.

Lantis: I do? (looks through his pockets and sees the potion.)Oh, ok.You can go now, I have no need of you for a while.Go to a carnival or something.

Tarta: YES!

Tatra: Thank you, Count. (the two servants leave the mansion, dancing like maniacs)

Alcyone: Where's the potion?

Lantis: Oh, here.Let him drink the whole bottle.

(audience gasps)

Alcyone: (pours the bottle's contents into Clef's mouth)

Clef: (sputters and stands upright) WHAT IS THIS?!?!LANTIS!!HOW COULD YOU POISON ME LIKE THAT?!?!?

Lantis: You did revive, didn't you?

Clef: I wasn't dead!MORON!

Lantis: Hey, my name isn't Lantis.It's Count of Monte Cephiro.

Clef: This is the most horrible play I've ever acted in! (turning to Alcyone) MOTHER!I'm going to leave now, if you don't mind.I'm not needed anymore! (stomps out of the stage, furious)

Alcyone: (stifles a laugh) Oh well. (turns her charms on Lantis) So, how can I repay you for such acts of…kindness, dear?

Hikaru: (screaming from backstage) You watch it, sister!Better not get too close!

Eagle: (also screaming from backstage) Hey!I thought you were my wife!

Lantis: (disgusted) Ew…I just thought you needed to be saved, but if you really want me to get a reward, then take this bottle and shove it down your throat.

Alcyone: WHAT?!

Lantis: Hehe…just kidding.

Alcyone: (turns her back and leaves) Humph!You better be!

Scene 4 

_ _

(Squall runs into the Count's room)

Squall: Yo, Lantis.

Lantis: I am not Lantis!For the last time…I am the Count of Monte Cephiro!

Squall: Oh, yeah, Count, my mother is having a ball.You're invited to come.You can meet the whole family of Villeforts and Danglars.Hey, maybe even Noirtier might show up.

Lantis: How can he?He's supposed to be paralyzed.

Squall: Then we'll put him on a wheelchair and DRAG him there!

Lantis: Sometimes, Squall, you scare the hell out of me.

Squall: GOOD!

Lantis: So, when is this?

Squall: In an hour or so.

Lantis: Ok, so I could visit my slave Hikaru before I go.Would you like to meet her?

Squall: Is she pretty?

Lantis: (glares at him) Don't you dare hit on her.Come on…let's go.

(they enter Hikaru's room, and they see Hikaru playing with Mokona)

Hikaru: (blink blink) Hello, Lantis, hello, Irvine.

Lantis: It's Count of Monte Cephiro!

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: Why couldn't he have been left behind?Hikaru, will you let him out?

Hikaru: (looking apologetic at Mokona) Sorry, Mokona.Lantis doesn't like it when you interrupt him right now.Maybe later, ok?

(Mokona leaves, kicking Lantis' leg before he left, making Lantis limp to a seat.)

Squall: Hehe…that creature has the better of you, Lantis.

Lantis: ARGH!MY NAME IS THE COUNT OF MONTE CEPHIRO!

Hikaru: (changing the subject) Why are you two here?

Lantis: Oh, that was because I'm supposed to have a local visit with you, and Squall came in when I was scheduled to visit you.So, how you doin'?

Squall: The Count said that you were a Greek slave.How did you end up so?

Lantis: Actually, she was a Greek princess when your no good father betrayed her father and then…their family went downhill after that.

Hikaru and Squall: WHAT?!

Lantis: Oops…I didn't think I was supposed to mention that right now.Forget I said that.

Squall: Huh?

Hikaru: Forget what?

Lantis: I'm surrounded by morons.

Hikaru and Squall: HEY!

Lantis: Anyway, Hikaru, Squall desperately wants to know your story on how you became a slave.

Squall: (giving Lantis a quizzical look) No, I don't.

Lantis and Hikaru: (whispers) Yes, you do.

Squall: Oh yeah.Hikaru, please tell me your boring story…um…I mean, please tell me the story on how you became a slave after being betrayed by my father.

Lantis: You're not supposed to mention that.

Squall: Well, tell me the story already.

(Lantis, Squall, and Hikaru sat down, making themselves comfortable)

Hikaru: Ok, here we go…It was a nice day when my mother came to me and said that I had to go to school.Back then, I was only 4 years old.My going away present back then was my dog, Hikari.He was such the cutest thing, and he's still with me, although I couldn't take care of him during the time I had to go to school.Now, when I got to my school, the teachers were so very nice, and they treated me too much like royalty, and I didn't like that…(4 hours later)…When I finally turned 14, my father was betrayed.That's it.

Squall: (looking blank) Um…Hikaru, you told us your whole entire life, and that's all you could say about your father's betrayal?That he was betrayed?

Hikaru: Yeah, why not?

Lantis: (slaps his forehead) You were supposed to talk more about your later life than your early ones!We don't care about your dog Hikari or the fact that one of your teachers was gay!We wanted to hear details!DETAILS!

Hikaru: You want the later part of my life?Then I will tell it to you…It was then when I was 14…

Squall: Not right now, Hikaru.I have to get home to get ready with the ball.I only have an hour left.

Lantis: Huh?Oh, yeah, you're mother's party.Hey, isn't your mother Umi?

Squall: Yeah, what about Umi?

Lantis: Oh, nothing.Just asking…since she seems to be married to someone, and when she was young, she promised that she wouldn't marry anyone but Edmond Dantes.

Squall: Who the heck is Edmond?

Lantis: I have no idea.What's your father's name?

Squall: Ascot.

Hikaru and Lantis: WHAT?!?!

Squall: (blushing) I know, I know.He looks more like my kid brother than my father.

Lantis: (laughing so hard) No, he looks more like your son than your father!HAHAHAHA!!

Squall: (bringing his fist up) I'm gonna smack you if you don't stop teasing me.

Hikaru: Hehe…now, now, you should hurry, Squall.You wouldn't want your…er…father upset, would you?Go on, leave.

Squall: We'll settle this later, Count.

Lantis: (still laughing hysterically)

Ascot: (from backstage, being restrained by Ferio) What?Does Lantis have a problem with my age?Let go of me, Ferio.I won't certainly harm him.I'm only going to have Mokona mentally break him down…

Ferio: (from backstage) You'll get your chance…now hush.

(Squall leaves)

Hikaru: Now, look what you did.He invited you to a party and this is how you thank him.

Lantis: Well, he should have invited me to a party.After how he treated me yesterday about the tea time, he should have done more than invite me to a party!HE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN ME SOME TEA!

Hikaru: KNOCK IT OFF!

Lantis: (whimpers to the corner of the room) It isn't fair…why are you sticking up for Squall?

Hikaru: I am not going to take this anymore, Lantis.I want to leave.You no longer need a slave.For goodness' sake, I could work for Squall instead.

Lantis: NO!Hikaru!

Hikaru: Bye, Lantis.

Lantis: AND IT'S COUNT OF MONTE CEPHIRO!

(Hikaru leaves, and Presea enters)

Presea: (says brightly) So, Hikaru quits too.Hey, you need another servant?I'm handy, if you want.

Lantis: Oh well, yeah, whatever.

Squall: (from backstage) HEY!THAT'S MY LINE!

Lantis: SHUT UP!(to Presea) Okay, Presea, why don't you dress yourself and head on out to the party, so you could announce my appearance.

Presea: As you wish, sir.

Scene 5 

_ _

(At the ball, an hour later, a bunch of people are walking around or dancing.Fuu is there, pushing her grandfather's wheelchair around and smiling at people.Ferio approaches her.)

Ferio: Fuu, I hear you're engaged to Irvine.Are you really?

Fuu: (sighs) I told you, Ferio, I couldn't do anything about that.My grandfather probably can, but he can't speak, and I can't understand a word he's saying.

Yukito: …(shakes and blinks eyes vigorously, making him look like he's got a twitch)

Fuu: Oh, look, I think he's hungry.

Ferio: He's always hungry.

Yukito: …(to himself) ~ And I thought I was a moron. ~

Ferio: (stooping to Yukito) You hungry, Noirtier?Hey, you look almost like Lantis' dad.

Yukito: … ~ Geeze, could these people get the hint?I want to go to the bathroom already! ~

Fuu: Um…I think he's thirsty.

Yukito: … ~ ARGH! ~

Ferio: He looks desperate.I know!He needs to use the men's room!

Yukito: … ~…Too late. ~

Fuu: Oh, right.I'll bring him there.

Ferio: Are you okay?You can't go to the men's room!You're a lady!L-A-D-Y!Idiot!

Fuu: Noone's ever called me an idiot before…unless, of course, you count the time when I saved you from that monster and you called me an idiot…but that was a long time ago.

Ferio: Sheesh, you still remember that?

Fuu: Of course I do!It reminds me how helpless you are without me.

Ferio: (sweatdrop) Oh, brother.

Yukito: … ~ And they're still talking. ~

(while this conversation was going on, another conversation was going on between Squall and Shiva, well, it was sort of a conversation)

Squall: So, how are you?

Shiva: …

Squall: Look, I know you don't like me that much, but really, you're not even going to speak to me?

Shiva: (stare)

Squall: Oh, come on, you could at least say something.

Shiva: …

Squall: How about telling me how much you hate me?

Shiva: (blink stare) …

Squall: This is hopeless.Why do I bother?I don't want to marry you either you know.

Shiva: …What?

Squall: Yeah, you heard me.This was all my father's fault.

Shiva: You don't want to marry me?

Squall: Nope.

Shiva: MOTHER!FATHER!

(Lafarga and Caldina rush to their daughter)

Caldina: WHAT?!

Shiva: (cheerfully) Squall de Morcerf doesn't want to marry me!This calls for a celebration!

Lafarga: Huh?You were getting married?Hey, why didn't anyone tell me about this?

Caldina and Shiva: (stare disgusted at Lafarga) Men.

(Ascot walk towards them, followed by Umi and Lantis)

Lantis: Now, now, what's all this commotion?

Squall: (shaking head) Shiva is having a celebration because I told her that I didn't want to marry her in the first place.

Ascot and Umi: WHAT?!

Squall: (glaring at his parents) You heard me.She doesn't even talk to me…why would I want someone who doesn't talk to me?

(Quistis overhears and comes in)

Quistis: That's because most of the time when someone tries to talk to you, what do you say? (mimicking Squall) "Talk to the wall."

Squall: (indignantly) I do not.

Irvine: (also coming up) Oh yes, you do.

Squall: How did you get here?You're supposed to be in England!

Irvine: Um…I came back?

Umi: Oh, geeze.Is this all it's about?

(Tarta and Tatra hurry in)

Tatra: Are any of the Villeforts in the house?Eagle?Alcyone?Fuu?

(Fuu steps up)

Fuu: I'm Fuu de Villefort.What is it?

Tarta: Miss, there has been an accident.Your grandmother has died.

Fuu: Grandmother?

(Eagle and Alcyone push people to get by)

Alcyone: Mother is murdered?

Eagle: Who's your mother?

Tatra: Hurry!

Umi: (looking at Lantis) What a bad day it is today.I shouldn't have planned a ball at this time.

Lantis: It wasn't your fault, really, madame.

Umi: You really think so?

Ascot: Will you two quit it?Umi, you're not supposed to know that he's Lantis.

Lantis: I AM THE COUNT OF MONTE CEPHIRO!

Ascot and Umi: ALRIGHT!WE GOT IT!!

(Ferio taps Fuu on the shoulder)

Ferio: Hey, what about your grandfather?He seems to be sitting there patiently.

Fuu: Oh!(begins to push Yukito around the wheelchair again) Sorry, Grandpappy.

Yukito: … ~ Grandpappy?Where do these people get this? ~

Quistis: (sighs) I guess I'm gonna have to report this.Come on, Eagle.I should think you need to call the Doctor right about now.

Eagle: Why?Mother is dead.What is the doctor going to do?Operate on her?

Alcyone: No, you idiot.They're going to do an autopsy.

Eagle: You shouldn't be talking, old hag.Aren't you obsessed with your son?Where is he now?

Alcyone: (remembers Clef) Oh sh(beep)!Clef!My son! (runs out, looking for Clef)

Caldina: Um…Cheers?

Shiva: …I should be getting home now…Bye bye.

(Shiva leaves, followed by Lafarga, who is still asking his daughter how she got engaged in the first place.Caldina follows, walking with Fuu, who is pushing Noirtier on the wheelchair.The others stand watching the people leave.Quistis also grabs Eagle and pulls him out the door.)

Squall: Well, that's a wrap. (looking at Lantis) What are you still doing here?

Lantis: Um…What is Irvine still doing here?

Ferio: Hey, what am I still doing here?

Ascot: (getting angry) That's it!Leave!All of you!Party's over!Go watch a basketball game or something!

Umi: Ascot?You shouldn't lose your temper like that.

Ascot: Yeah?And who's going to stop me?

Lantis: Tatra, Tarta, I think we should go now.I have other plans to go through anyway.

(Lantis leaves, bringing his two servants with him.Ferio and Irvine shrugs and leaves)

Ascot: (sighing with relief) Ahh….Peace and harmony at last…

Umi: Peace and quiet?Listen, you, I didn't know you were marrying my son off to some unsociable girl!

Shiva: (from offstage) Well I never!

Squall: (stares) Mother, you mean, you never knew that I was getting married?

Umi: Ascot, can you please explain this?

Ascot: Um…hehe…it was a good deal?

Umi: You never told me!

Squall: Yeah, you never told her!

Umi: Of all the dirtiest, most annoying…

Squall: Craziest, freakiest…

Umi and Ascot: Shut up, Squall!

Squall: Okay, okay, I'll stay out of this, sheesh.Parents, they never want you to be in the middle of arguments.

Ascot: Look, I can explain.

Umi: You better be able to.

Ascot: (giggling nervously) Well, Caldina was like a sister to me…and Lafarga asked in Caldina's account.So, I couldn't refuse.Would you have been able to?

Squall and Umi: Yes!

Ascot: Be quiet, Squall.

Squall: Mom, tell him to let me speak my own opinions.

Umi: Do what your father tells you and be quiet.

Squall: But…

Umi and Ascot: SHUT UP!

(Squall cries like a baby and runs out of the room)

Ascot: Now, where were we?

Umi: We were debating the fact that you didn't tell me about Squall's engagement to Shiva de Danglars.

Ascot: Oh yeah.Well, I'm the man of the house!What I say goes and I said that he was engaged to Shiva!

Umi: Well, I don't think Shiva and her parents want her to marry our son.

Ascot: Oh well.Can we go now?I'm hungry.

Umi: Why did I marry you anyway?

Ascot: Because Selphie wrote in the script that we were supposed to marry.

Umi: (glares) I would have been better off marrying Lantis Dantès.

Ascot: (mutters) At least you got his name right this time.


	7. Act 6

Act 6 Act 6 

_Scene 1 _

_ _

(In the Villefort mansion, Clef has the radio blasting to Destiny's Child)

Clef: I'm a survivor, I'm not gon give up, I'm not gon stop, I'm gon work harder, I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, Keep on survivin' 

(Alcyone runs in)

Alcyone: What is all this awful racket?!

Clef: Thought that I would fail without you, But I'm on top, Thought it would be over by now, But it won't stop  
Thought that I would self destruct, But I'm still here, Even in my years to come, I'm still gon be here… 

(Eagle also comes in, holding a newspaper) 

Eagle: I'm a survivor, I'm not gon give up! 

Alcyone: That's it! (turns the radio up) 

Clef and Eagle: Hey!They were getting to the good part!Kelly was going to sing the next verse!WAAAAH! 

(Fuu enters, pushing Yukito in the wheelchair) 

Yukito: …(for once, he's got nothing in his mind) 

Fuu: What was that awful racket, mother? 

Alcyone: It was the radio and Clef singing. 

Fuu: Oh, that's a bad thing. 

Yukito: … ~ A very bad thing.My glasses were cracking.He sounds like a washing machine. ~ 

Clef: I was only singing. 

Eagle: Yeah, take it easy on the little tyke, after all, he's only 11. 

Clef: I'm not 11!I am more than 700 years old! 

Eagle: Yeah, yeah, sure, kid. 

Fuu: Oh, if that was it, then I will be bringing grandfather to the garden now. 

Alcyone: Hey, young lady, you're not going to the garden again.I know what you do there, and you're supposed to stay faithful to your fiancé, Irvine d'Epinay. 

Fuu: Mother, I don't like Irvine.He's too much of a womanizer.Besides, why would he want to marry the granddaughter of the man who killed his father? 

Irvine: (from backstage) WHAT?!Yukito killed my father?!No wonder I'm an orphan!You're going to pay, Noirtier!DIE! 

Quistis: (from backstage, holding Irvine down) Calm down, Irvine.This is only a play. 

Irvine: (from backstage) Oh, right. (clears throat much too loudly)Oops… 

Fuu: (whispering so only Yukito and the audience could hear) Oh, what do I do?I won't marry anyone but Edmond Dantès. 

Ferio: (from backstage) For the last time, read the script! (shouting to Fuu) No!!Not Edmond Dantès!Ferio Morrel! 

Fuu: Oh, I won't marry anyone but Ferio! 

Yukito: (nods, hearing this exclamation) ~Hmm…I think I have a plan…hehe… ~ 

Fuu: (knowing the look Yukito is giving her, smiles and drags the wheelchair towards the garden) 

Alcyone: There she goes again, meeting that freaky looking young man in the garden. 

Ferio: (from backstage) Who you calling freaky looking, hag? 

Eagle: WHERE? 

Clef: Not where!WHO! 

Eagle: Oh, WHO? 

Alcyone: Idiots…FERIO! 

Eagle and a sarcastic Clef: Ooooooooooh…. 

Alcyone: My gosh.And what about my mother's death? 

Eagle: (blank) Oh, yeah, I called a doctor a while ago.She'll be here right about now, I should think. 

(Washu enters, carrying a suitcase with her.) 

Eagle: Ah, here she is.Doctor Washu, how are you? 

Washu: Fine, just fine.So, where's the dead body? 

Eagle: Dead body? 

Washu: YEAH!I can't make an autopsy if the body is not here! 

Alcyone: Oh, sure, Dr.I'll show you to the body.Come, follow me. 

(from the other room, Washu starts to speak) 

Washu: Aha!I knew it!This was a murder! 

Alcyone: (gasp) My mother was murdered!NO!!! 

Clef: Oh, really?That's splendid!I mean, oh, how unfortunate for mother to lose her mother. 

Eagle: (nodded) Ah, I see.Well, better watch what you're drinking, people.You don't know who is going to be poisoned next. 

Clef: How did you know that grandmother died of poison? 

Eagle: Erm…uh…the script? 

(Tomoyo enters, holding a camera) 

Eagle: Oh, Tomoyo.You haven't given father Noirtier his medicine yet.Go and give it to him, and erm…will you stop aiming that camera at me? 

Tomoyo: Nonsense, I'm not aiming it at you.It's aimed at Sakura, she's over there! 

(everyone looks at the side, where Sakura is standing, and the Card Mistress turns red.) 

Sakura: Tomoyo!Go back to your lines! 

Tomoyo: (puts camera away) Yes, sir, I will get the medicine right away. 

Clef: Oh, and while you're doing that, go get me a martini.I'm thirsty. 

(Tomoyo bows and leaves) 

Eagle: I should go now. 

Clef: Good, so you could leave me here while I mutilate this book. 

Eagle: (looking suspiciously at the book) What book is that? 

Clef: (held the book up and smiled cheerfully) This book! 

Eagle: (screams) You crazy!STOP!That's my script! 

Clef: AHAHAHAHA! (cuts the script in two)AHAHAHAHA! 

Washu: (runs in) What's the matter here? 

Eagle: (crying) sniff…Clef cut my script in two… 

Alcyone: (walks in, smiling) He did, did he?Well, goodness knows, you deserve it.Come on, Clef, you have more books to mutilate. 

Eagle: No, not my bedtime story book, too!WAAAAAH! 

Scene 2 

(Lafarga and Lantis are talking)

Lantis: So, have you found out about Morcerf and his family yet?

Lafarga: Well, duh.I don't want my Shiva marrying Squall!His father is a double agent!He betrayed Hikaru for goodness's sakes!

Lantis: So who's going to marry your daughter?

Lafarga: Um…Cavalcantis.I brought him with me.Yo, Touya!Come over here!

Lantis: Touya?

(Touya comes in, frowning)

Touya: Another part-time job. (mutters to himself) Selphie better pay me for this.

Lantis: Ehehe…Oh, hello, there, Mister Cavalcantis.Why don't you sit down?

Touya: No, I prefer standing.

Lafarga: Sit down!

Touya: (sits down)

Lafarga: (clears throat) Okay, now, back to business.Erm…what were we talking about?

Lantis: You were saying something about what Squall's father was about.

Lafarga: Right.I should write a letter to the Congress about this.

Touya: The Congress?Don't you mean the Cephiro Council?

Lantis: What makes the difference?

Touya: I just thought you'd like to know.

Lafarga: Be quiet. (gets a piece of paper and starts to write) Um… "Dear Mr. Congress person dude…"

Touya: Mr. Congress person dude?

Lafarga: Well, yeah, how should I know who to send this to?

Lantis: (murmurs to Touya) Leave him be, he's an idiot.

Lafarga: "There seems to be a problem.Ascot de Morcerf is a two timing double agent and will steal all your cheeseburgers if you don't arrest him right now.Thank you for listening."

Touya: That's it?

Lafagra: Yep.

Lantis and Touya: Oh geeze.

Lafarga: (gets up cheerfully) Okay, nowthat I'm finished with the letter, Cavalcantis and I will be going.Come on, Touya.

Touya: But I would like some tea.

Lafarga: LET'S GO!

(Touya mutters and leaves with Lafarga.Squall comes in, glaring at Lafarga and sitting down at the same chair that Touya sat in.)

Lantis: Well, how did the breaking of the engagement go?

Squall: (smiled) Well!I can't tell you how happy I am to break it off.

Lantis: Why did you want to break it off so badly?

Squall: That's because Mlle Shiva Danglars isn't the woman for me.

Lantis: (raises an eyebrow) Oh?And who would be a perfect and ideal woman for you, Monsieur?

Squall: …I don't want to talk about it.It wouldn't matter to you anyway.

Lantis: (smiling evilly) Oh, try me.Come on, Squall.Your ideal woman…would be like who?Your mother?I hear you are devoted to her.

Squall: Of course I'm devoted to her.She's my mother, and a better mother than you'll ever have.But, no, she's not someone I would want for a wife.

Lantis: Get on with it, boy!

Squall: BOY?!I am as old as your are, Lantis!

Lantis: It's COUNT OF MONTE CEPHIRO!

Squall: (calming down) Okay, okay.But I hope that you don't mention this to anyone.I have to go, I only came here to thank you.And I thank you again for breaking off this engagement.

Lantis: Your welcome…Squall.

(Squall nods and leaves the place, filled with thoughts and doesn't notice the wall that he bumps into, making it fall on top of him.)

Scene 3 

_ _

(Ascot is in Court, with Quistis as judge and a bunch of people.)

Quistis: You have been accused of betraying the royal Greek family of the Shidou.Their princess, Shidou Hikaru, has spoken against you.Do you have any say to this?

Ascot: Guilty as charged.

Quistis and every person in court: WHAT?!

Ascot: (shakes head) I mean, I am not guilty, Your Honor.

Quistis: Um…Well then.What have you to say for your defense?

Ascot: Only to say that I didn't take the ring and go into the secret passage in the castle to betray the Shidou and his family…

Quistis: How do you know there was a secret passage in the palace?

Ascot: (looks as if it was obvious) Duh, I was their confidante.I carried secret information from the enemy and gave it to the royal family.Why do you think they gave me the ring?I didn't take it.

(Hikaru comes in)

Quistis: Well, that woman over there is the Greek princess, Shidou Hikaru.Hikaru, do you have anything to say about this?

Hikaru: (points at Ascot) That man…betrayed my father.He brought my mother and I to slavery…and stole the sacred ring of Greece.PUNISH HIM!

(a conversation from backstage)

Ferio: Whoa, Hikaru's got the audience captured.

Umi: She's such a good actress, she should've gotten the part as the Catalan…

Ryoko: Shh….I wanna see!

(back to the stage)

Ascot: No!I didn't do it!She's an imposter!

Quistis: You may be right, Ascot.Tell me, Hikaru, would you give us proof that you truly are the Greek princess of Shidou?

Hikaru: (takes out a document) Right here is my birth certificate from the man who sold me off.And here is the sacred ring of Greece.

Ascot: What?!How'd you get that?And if you were enslaved, to whom do you belong to?

(more talk from backstage)

Ryoko: Wow, this is the best scene we've had without mishaps so far.

Fuu: Yeah, they are really good at acting, especially Hikaru-san.

Squall: Would you guys shut up?I'm trying to hear what they're saying!

(The people backstage squabble until they rip the other curtain, revealing all of them standing there.Everyone on the stage turn to look at the cast backstage and some of the people in the jury walked over to their side and covered them up.Hikaru sighed with relief.)

Hikaru: Whomever I work for, it is not necessary for me to say so.

Ascot: Hey, I know who you are!You work for the Count of Monte Cephiro!What a traitor!

Quistis: Well, then, I proclaim Ascot de Morcerf guilty of the charges.

Ascot: What?I don't even have a lawyer!I want my rights!

Quistis: Oh, what's the point?You're supposed to be found guilty.Now go.The judgment has passed.

Jury: (mutters to themselves) We didn't even get to choose whether or not he's guilty.

Scene 4 

_ _

(In a theatre, Lantis and Ferio are watching The Nutcracker while Squall comes in)

Squall: Yo, Count!This is war!You disgraced my father, you disgraced my family, and you disgraced me!En garde!

Lantis: (glared at Squall) Shh…..Can't you see I'm watching something?Look, the sugar plum fairy is about to do her solo dance.

Ferio: (tries hard not to laugh) Um…I think Squall just challenged you to a duel, Count.

Lantis: What? (jumps out) How dare you challenge me in the middle of a wonderful ballet performance!You should pay!

Squall: No, you're going to pay!

Lantis: What, you wanna fight?Is that it?

Squall: Let's take this outside!

Lantis: Fine!10 a.m. tomorrow morning!Bring your second!

Squall: (puzzled) Second?

Ferio: You know, the back-up people.In case you get shot.

Squall: Oh, I knew that.I will!

(Squall leaves, and Lantis goes back on watching the ballet)

Lantis: Isn't this a wonderful performance, Ferio?Look!Now it's time for the finale!

Ferio: (moans) Why did I come with you anyway?

Scene 5 

(later that evening, in the Count's mansion)

Presea: Sir, a woman is wanting to see you.She's upstairs.

Lantis: Okay.Here, take my cloak.

(Lantis enters and sees a cloaked woman, who is none other than Umi)

Umi: (throws herself at Lantis) Lantis!Don't kill my son!

Lantis: What did you call me?

Umi: I said Lantis!I know who you are, you idiot!Oh please don't kill my son!

(At this point, Mokona comes in the stage, bouncing about)

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (anime sweatdrop, but ignores the bouncing creature) Why do you ask such a thing?

Umi: Haven't you befriended him?He holds much respect for you…don't kill him!

Mokona: (begins to run around the two people) Puuuuuu!

Lantis: (cowers and almost topples over Umi, who is kneeling before him) But if I don't kill him, then I will surely die!

Umi: Oh, please, don't kill Squall! (Mokona now begins to cling on Lantis as well)

Lantis: No, my decision is fixed.He insulted my dignity and interrupted me when I was watching my favorite play!You don't know how much pain I went through!

Umi: No, you don't know how much pain I went through!I couldn't sleep for 10 years because I thought so much about you.Look at the bags under my eyes!And it's all because of your doing!

Lantis: You weren't stuck with Mokona for 14 years, now, were you?You didn't hear him say the same syllable day after day until you would crack, didn't you?And you still say that you have much pain?!

Umi: (gasps) Oh, dear.You did suffer through a lot.Who did this to you anyway?

Lantis: Your husband!Lafarga!AND MY BEST FRIEND!GET THIS THING OFF ME!

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: I'll do anything!Anything!Just get the Abbè off me!!

Umi: (smiles mischievously) Anything?

Lantis: Anything!

Umi: I'll get Mokona off you if you promise to spare my son in your duel tomorrow.

Lantis: OKAY!!NOT GET HIM OFF!!

Umi: Good. (takes a hand out to Mokona) Come on, Abbè.Your mission is done.

Mokona: Pu!

Lantis: You mean you used him?!!You tricked me!!!

Umi: (laughs) Of course I did!How else would I have been able to get you to agree to spare my son?

Lantis: (sobs) Now I'm gonna die because of you…

Umi: You're such a noble heart, Lantis.I will remember this.Tata!

(Umi leaves with Mokona)

Lantis: (still sobbing) …


	8. Act 7 edited

~I realized I accidentally got this scene cut off, so I just added the rest of the story. I was wondering why it never had an ending....

_Act 7_

_Scene 1 _

(at the appointed place at 10 a.m., Lantis is waiting with Ferio, who is his second)

Ferio: Are you sure Squall is going to show up?

Lantis: Of course I am. What you should ask is whether I'm going to die or not.

Ferio: What's the point? I know you're going to die. So I don't want to ask a question that I already know the answer to.

Lantis: You're a great comfort.

Ferio: Thank you.

(A carriage comes, with Squall inside. He brings a whole bunch of witnesses, well, only Quistis actually)

Quistis: Okay, Here I am.

Ferio: You're Squall's second? But, you're a woman!

Quistis: (sighs) What is it with you men? I can do things like these. Besides, I'm not here to be a second to anyone. He just told me to witness something.

Squall: I want to make an announcement.

Lantis: What do you want?

Squall: (glares at Lantis) For my mother's sake, I will not fight this duel. Not because I'm a coward, but because I realized that you had gone through much pain due to this family. You were stripped of your household and thrown into a cell where you were continuously tortured for 14 years. Please accept my deepest apologies and I will never bother you again. (with that said, he leaves with Quistis in the carriage)

Ferio: (sighs with relief) Oh, good, there isn't a fight either. That means I don't get to see people kill each other.

Lantis: I LIVE!!! I GET TO SEE ANOTHER DAY AGAIN! YIPPEE!

Ferio: Okay, Lantis. No need to celebrate so soon. Look, I have to go. I have to meet…em…someone.

Lantis: What? Oh, sure, sure thing.

_Scene 2_

(Lafarga is in his room and Caldina enters)

Caldina: Listen, hun, we need to talk.

Lafarga: Eh…Not now, dear. You see, I seem to be missing half my fortune. If I don't find it tomorrow, I will be declared bankrupt.

Caldina: That's what I wanted to tell you. I went in a shopping spree and well, there went the money.

Lafarga: WHAT?!

Caldina: I'm sorry. Um…I'll repay you somehow.

Lafarga: ARGH! Now I have to leave this place! I'm going to pack my bags now! You're staying here with Shiva and I'm going to leave you forever!

Caldina: (almost to tears) But you can't leave me without money!

Lafarga: No, I won't. You'll be getting the rest of the half and double that, because you have insurance, remember?

Caldina: Oh, right. Okay, bye bye, Lafarga. I'll be seeing you in a few years…that is, if you return home.

(scene fades and goes into another place, this time, it is Fuu and Yukito)

Fuu: Grandfather, Irvine is coming this way. Are you sure this plan is going to work?

Yukito: (closes eyes, signifying a yes)

Fuu: Okay, he's here.

(Irvine comes in, accompanied by Eagle)

Irvine: Ah…here is my bride to be! How are you, Fuu?

Fuu: (smiles nervously) Well, my grandfather doesn't want me to marry you. He strongly disagrees with you.

Eagle: Nonsense! You're marrying him no matter what your grandfather says!

Yukito: (glares at Eagle)

Irvine: And what is going to stop me, oh dear one?

Ferio: (from backstage) Hey! No one calls her that but me!

Fuu: (hands Irvine a document) This will stop you.

Irvine: (begins to read) "It was a dark and stormy night, when werewolves still ruled the kingdom of Fanelia and the princess of the kingdom was asking for a hero to save her people…" What the heck is this?

Fuu: (grabs the paper away and hands him another paper) Wrong one. Go on, read.

Irvine: (clears throat and begins to read again) "To be or not to be, that is the question…" I think I have the wrong paper again.

Fuu: I'm sure I have it here somewhere…(flips paper everywhere until she finds the one she's looking for) Oh, here it is. This time I'm sure.

Eagle: (grabs the paper from Irvine) Give me that. I'll read it. (begins to read) I, Monsieur Noirtier, declare that if my granddaughter, Fuu de Villefort, will marry such a man as Irvine d'Epinay, all the fortunes I bestowed upon her will be taken and given to a charity cause. All 900 thousand francs."

Fuu and Irvine: WHAT?!

Yukito: (smiles triumphantly)

Fuu: Grandfather, are you sure you want to do this?

Yukito: (closes eyes to signify a yes)

Irvine: Does that mean a yes?

Eagle: It must be. He always does that when I ask him whether he's hungry or not, and he always seems to close his eyes.

Fuu: Grandfather, what are you doing? Don't you want happiness for me?

Yukito: (something gets in his eyes and blinks twice)

Fuu: You want me to be unhappy?

Yukito: (blinks again)

Fuu: Then you want me to be unhappy?

Yukito: (keeps blinking)

Fuu: MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Irvine: (still reading the paper) Hm…It says something at the bottom in small letters… "But, I decided to give all my money to Fuu anyway. However, I would like to tell Irvine that it was I that killed his father years ago. I killed him in a duel that we fought at an alley somewhere in France." Well, see here? I knew my father was murdered. WHAT?! YOU KILLED MY FATHER?! (faints)

Eagle: Irvine!

Fuu: Oh dear.

Eagle: Barbara! Bring Irvine to a comfortable place!

Fuu: Oh dear.

(Tomoyo comes in, still holding a video camera. She stops in front of Irvine and tapes him asleep)

Tomoyo: Oh my.

Eagle: Barbara! Drag him out of this room NOW!

Fuu: Oh dear.

Eagle: Stop saying that!

Tomoyo: Oh dear. Here, let me bring him to the other room.

(Irvine is carried to the other room by Tomoyo, and Eagle is left with Fuu and Noirtier.)

Eagle: Now, look what you did, father. You scared him off. Now I'm never going to find a husband for Fuu!

Fuu: Oh, but there is a husband for me, father. I want to marry Ferio Morrel, son of Ferio Morrel.

Eagle: Wait, I don't get it. He's the son and the father?

Yukito: … ~ Idiots…~

Eagle: I don't understand this! This is confusing! I have to go and have a drink now!

Fuu: Oh, will you please get me some?

(Eagle leaves and Ferio enters)

Ferio: All is well? You are not marrying Irvine?

Fuu: (throws herself on Ferio) I'm not marrying Irvine! And I still keep the money! Hooray!

Ferio: Thank goodness! For a minute there I was going to barge in too early and decide to punch Irvine's lights out then and there.

(Tomoyo comes in, carrying a drink.)

Tomoyo: Oh, I'm thirsty.

Fuu: Why don't you have some of my drink? It tastes like lemon.

Tomoyo: Oh, Fuu, you are so kind. (takes a drink and starts to choke) Um…I'm not feeling well.

Ferio: Are you okay?

Tomoyo: (falls to the floor, dead)

Fuu: OH DEAR! SHE'S DEAD! BARBARA IS DEAD!

Ferio: Oh geeze, maybe because someone stabbed her?

Fuu: (panics and absentmindedly takes a drink from the same glass) The drink tastes bitter…Oh dear, it seems that I am not feeling well either.

Ferio: Oh no! Don't tell me you're going to die too! NOOOO!

Yukito: (blinks vigorously, getting the attention of Ferio)

Ferio: Is she going to die?

Yukito: (blinks)

Ferio: So she will be fine?

Yukito: (closes eyes)

Ferio: Good. But I have to go now. I have an appointment with the Count of Monte Cephiro. But first, HELP HELP! FUU IS GOING TO DIE!

(Ferio leaves and Eagle rushes in with Washu)

Washu: What seems to be the problem?

Eagle: (gasps) Fuu! Barbara?

Washu: (examines Tomoyo and shakes head) I'm afraid she's dead, Eagle.

Eagle: What about Fuu?

Washu: (examines Fuu) She's barely alive. We best take her to the infirmary so she could recuperate. I told you there was a murderer in the house.

Eagle: Yes, but who is it?

Washu: What do I look like? A detective? Come on, we best bring her to safety.

(Alcyone comes in and screams)

Aclyone: Fuu! What happened?

Eagle: She's been poisoned.

Alcyone: I'm going with you. I have to be near my Fuu.

Washu: (looks at Alcyone with suspicion and shrugs) Suit yourself.

(everyone exits except Yukito, who is stuck in his seat with no one to push him)

_Scene 3_

(Ferio rushes into the Count of Monte Cephiro's household)

Ferio: Count! Count!

Lantis: (runs down in a hurry) What is it?

Ferio: You have to help me! You have to save Fuu de Villefort from death!

Lantis: Who do you think I am? An angel? Besides, I planned this all along. I don't care about the Villefort family.

Ferio: You don't understand, I love Fuu!

Lantis: You do? OH MAN! I HAVE TO SAVE HER!

Ferio: You better, or else, you and I will have war!

(Lantis hurries out and runs into Umi, who has some luggage with her)

Umi: (pleasantly) Hello, Lantis. You see, I'm leaving here with my son, Squall. We don't ever want to be with Ascot again.

Lantis: Really? Very good. Where are you heading?

Umi: As far away from all you crazy people who think of nothing but revenge and cheeseburgers. Oh, and my son is going with me. He's joining the navy, where they pay you decent money and won't let you eat fats like those burgers.

Lantis: But where will you go?

Umi: (shrugs) Back to the Catalan village, I suppose. That's where my life was well organized before it was ruined by you and Ascot.

Lantis: How about money? Don't you have any with you?

Umi: Of course I do! I stashed all my jewels and some of Ascot's savings. You didn't think I would leave without money, would you?

Lantis: (anime sweatdrop) Well, I suppose giving you money and telling you where the secret stash of treasure would be useless.

Umi: You buried treasure? WHERE?!

Lantis: Oh, somewhere in the Catalan village. It was supposed to support us when we got married.

Umi: (starry eyed) Oh, Lantis, you are so nice. I'll remember your kindness someday! Well, gotta go now.

(Squall approaches)

Squall: Mother, are you ready?

Umi: Of course I am, dear. Well, nice talking to you, Lantis. We have to go now.

Lantis: Hush with the Lantis already!

Umi: Oh, right.

(Squall and Umi leave, and Lantis remembers what he was supposed to be doing.)

Lantis: Oh geeze! Fuu!

(Lantis runs into the infirmary and hides out in the closet, where he could see Fuu. Fuu is asleep, with Eagle and Alcyone watching her.)

Eagle: Madam, where do you keep the poison that you used to poison her?

Alcyone: You think that I would do such a thing?

Eagle: Of course I do. You had the poison. Now spill it! Where is it?!

Alcyone: (looking frightened) You misunderstand, Eagle. I didn't kill her! Honest! I lost the poison when Clef was playing with it…

Eagle: (gasps) CLEF! He did it! And we don't know where he is!

Alcyone: Clef would never do such a thing! Even if he would, why Fuu?

Eagle: It probably was meant for Noirtier. You know how he hates father.

Alcyone: Who cares? It wasn't Clef! It wasn't!

Eagle: Hush, you'll wake her up.

Alcyone: How? She's half dead!

(the two leave and Lantis gets out of his hiding place)

Fuu: (opens up her eyes) Who's there?

Lantis: Don't worry, Fuu, I'm here to save you from the poison that you took.

Fuu: Poison? Oh, you mean that bitter tasting drink Clef gave me this morning?

Lantis: (gasps) You drank it!

Fuu: No, I didn't. It's right on my table. I only tasted it, but I didn't finish drinking it because it tasted bad.

Lantis: (gets the glass with the drink and spills it, refilling it with another liquid) Here, drink this. Don't worry, it's not poisonous.

Fuu: (looks at the drink suspiciously) It doesn't taste bad, does it? I don't like bad tasting drinks.

Lantis: Just drink it!

Fuu: (takes a sip and drinks the whole drink) There. Happy? Now leave me alone.

Lantis: Here is a pill that you should take before you go to bed. (hands Fuu a pill)

Fuu: Great, drink it with what? I just finished drinking the liquid. What am I supposed to drink it with, Clef's potion?

Lantis: (pours more liquid in the glass) There. Look, just drink this and don't take anything after that. You'll feel better.

Fuu: I better be. Or else I won't be the only one having a painful headache.

Lantis: (gulps nervously) I'm quite sure the potion will work. Eh…I have to go now. Ferio might be doing something awful if I don't tell him that you're still alive. Remember to take the pill.

(Lantis leaves and Fuu drinks the potion, also taking the pill)

Fuu: Ooh, goodie, this drink is addicting. Oh dear, I'm feeling sleepy……(falls asleep)

(Clef comes in, chuckling)

Clef: Hehe, I don't care what happens, these people are annoying me. DIE DIE DIE!

(Alcyone barges in)

Alcyone: Clef! What are you doing?!

Clef: Oh, um…I wanted to see Fuu. She doesn't look alive, does she?

Alcyone: AAAAAAAAH!! EAGLE! WASHU! SHE'S DEAD! FUU IS DEAD!

(everyone runs into the room, panting)

Washu: What happened? How did she die?

Eagle: (feeling her pulse) SHE'S DEAD! NOOOOOOO!

(Ferio barges in)

Ferio: What? Fuu is dead?

Eagle: Who are you?

Ferio: FUU!! NOOO! DON'T LEAVE ME!

Alcyone: What are you doing here?! GET AWAY!

Clef: (slinks away) Well, I have to get back home now. Bye! (runs out)

Alcyone: (runs after him) I have to stop him! Stop, Clef!

Washu: She drank the whole drink. She's dead. The poison worked too quickly.

Eagle: That's just great, but what is he doing here?

Ferio: I loved Fuu, you foo! Now she's dead!

Eagle: (finally getting the picture) Ohh…I get it. Hey, how come I never knew this?

Ferio: You did, moron. She told you when her marriage to Irvine got cancelled.

Washu: Enough with your chatter. We have to find a way to bury her. Let's see, should we cremate her? Or should we pick a nice coffin?

Eagle and Ferio: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CREMATE HER!

Washu: Okay, okay. Then the coffin it is.

(everyone leaves, and Fuu is left behind)

_Scene 4_

(Ferio is in his room, holding a gun to his head, which looks awfully familiar, since his father did the same thing before. Lantis barges in.)

Lantis: Ferio! What are you doing?!

Ferio: Oh, it's you. I'm just ending my life. Fuu is dead, so why not kill myself and be done with it?

Lantis: That's because, you're supposed to wait! Don't you know who this is?!

Ferio: Who? You are the Count of Monte Cephiro.

Lantis: No! I am Edmond Dantès!

Umi: (from backstage) Lantis! Lantis!

Lantis: (glares at Umi) You shouldn't be talking, you kept saying Edmond in the beginning of the play. (clears throat) Well, I am Lantis!

Ferio: (drops gun and runs out calling) SAKURA! SYAORAN! COME OVER HERE!

(Sakura and Syaoran came running in the room, with Ferio pushing them)

Syaoran: What is it? This is ridiculous. I have a job to do, you know.

Ferio: BOW TO HIM! It is Lantis Dantès!

Sakura: (looks at Ferio as if he's crazy) Are you crazy?

Ferio: BOW!

Lantis: YES! BOW TO ME! I AM YOUR LEADER!

Syaoran: Get a grip, you two. No, you are not our leader, and will you please leave me alone?

Sakura: (jumps at Lantis and starts to hug him so hard that Lantis can't breathe any more.) Oh, it's you it's you it's you! AHAHAHA! Can I have your autograph?

Lantis: (puzzled) What? (Sakura hands him a piece of paper and Lantis scribbles on it) Oh, alright. Here.

Sakura: AHAHAHA! (looks at the paper) Hey! You're not E.T.! Jibola.

Lantis: Get away from me!

Ferio: (is the only one who actually bows) How can we repay you for what you have done to our family, sir?

Lantis: I only said this…because…uh…well…I don't know why I said this, really.

Syaoran: Why am I here in the first place?

Lantis: Yeah, why are you two here? I was only here to stop Ferio from shooting himself.

Sakura: (frowning) Ferio! Trying to kill yourself again?! What will Fuu say?

Ferio: (starts to cry) SHE'S DEAD! WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Syaoran: Wuss.

Ferio: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Sakura: Oh, what is it that you want?

Lantis: Um… the purse that I used to save your father.

Sakura: Oh, no, I could never give you that! That's a special relic passed down from my father to me! And besides, it has my dowry in it!

Lantis: (looks disgusted) Ew….You still have the cheeseburger that I got you from 3 years ago?

Sakura: NO! THE DIAMOND! Remember? You put an actual diamond on the purse when you weren't paying attention? Instead of a jewel rock, it was a real diamond!

Lantis, Ferio, and Syaoran: IT WAS?!

Sakura: (nods smiling) It is quite a fetching jewel. I prefer to keep it if you don't mind. So, keep your hands off my dowry.

Syaoran: I'm rich! I'm rich! Sakura, I could kiss you!

Sakura: Try it and I will kill you!

Ferio: Can you two go now?!

Sakura and Syaoran: FINE! (they leave)

Lantis: So, are you okay now?

Ferio: No. Fuu is dead. Why won't you let me kill myself?

Lantis: That's because your father wouldn't want you to kill yourself.

Ferio: Who are you to judge whether I live or die? Why do you mention my father?

Lantis: Hey, weren't these lines supposed to be before you call on Sakura and Syaoran?

Ferio: Oh well, too late now. Get on with it.

Lantis: I will let you come with me and give me three months before you kill yourself. Then, when the three months are over, and you're not happy, I will gladly bring you pills to kill yourself and the gun.

Ferio: ALRIGHT! I CAN FINALLY KILL MYSELF!

Fuu: (from backstage) WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?

Ferio: Hey, I thought you were dead?

Scene 5 

(3 months later, Lantis is sitting in a room with Ferio, who is aching to get a hold on some pills)

Ferio: Well, three months are up, Lantis. So, are you going to help me end my misery, or what?

Lantis: Don't do this to yourself, Ferio.

Ferio: You promised you'd help!

Lantis: I lied.

Ferio: I want my gun!

Lantis: (getting angry) Fine! (throws him some pills and a gun) There, happy? But I ask you to take the pills first.

Ferio: (takes the pills) Oh, I'm a bit sleepy. Maybe I should take a nap first before I kill myself…(falls asleep)

(Fuu barges in, alive)

Fuu: Ferio! Ferio! Oh no! He's dead! He killed himself!

Lantis: …

Fuu: (pries the bottle of pills from Ferio's hands) What? You didn't leave any for me? How could you leave me in this world?

Lantis: Um…Fuu, what are you doing?

Fuu: (grabs a knife and sits right next to Ferio) Oh, happy dagger…

Lantis: FUU! THIS IS NOT ROMEO AND JULIET! FERIO IS NOT DEAD!

Fuu: Oh, he isn't? (drops the knife) Oh, hehe…I had no idea, you see…

Lantis: How can you not have any idea? It's in the script!

Fuu: (glares) It would be, if you had a script. Before I left the house, Clef mutilated everyone's script. That's why Alcyone poisoned him and herself. My father went insane because of that. And now I don't know what my lines are.

Lantis: What?! Even my script was mutilated?

Fuu: When I said everyone, I meant it.

Lantis: NOOOOOOO!

Fuu: (cheerfully) Oh well, it's almost the end of the play. Don't worry. We can always improvise.

Ferio: (wakes up) Huh? Who is it? Why am I here? Where am I? Who am I? Did I just hear that Clef destroyed everyone's scripts?

Lantis: Yup, oh well, you're script was destroyed way before anyway.

Ferio: NOOOOOO! (looks at Fuu) Hey! You're alive! Cool!

Fuu: I am alive, Ferio. You don't have to kill yourself!

Ferio: YAY! (goes back to sleep)

Fuu: (anime sweatdrop) Um…hehe…I think I should stick here for a while.

Lantis: (nods and walks out the door, leaving a note, and as he is leaving, he bumps into Hikaru)

Hikaru: Oh, hello, Lantis.

Lantis: Still leaving me?

Hikaru: No, because there wasn't anyone who would let me work for them. Something about being a Greek princess.

Lantis: Oh well, then come back and then we could get married!

Hikaru: (looks a bit disgusted) Well, I would like that, but there is one thing you're forgetting about this play…

Lantis: What?

Hikaru: You're as old as my father in the play…

Lantis: WHAT?!

Hikaru: Remember? You stayed in a dungeon for 14 years? You would be 34 by now…ew….and I'm only 15…

Lantis: (breaks down on the floor) NOOOOO!!! I'm OLD!

Hikaru: Don't worry, Lantis…maybe in the next play you'll get a happy ending…ehe…

(Squall comes in from a boat, where Umi is waving at them)

Lantis: Hey, it's Umi!

Squall: (glaring at Lantis) You are not marrying my mother. She's leaving here, and so am I. And since we don't have lines, I could always improvise. HEY QUISTIS!

Quistis: (from backstage) WHAT?!

Squall: COME OVER HERE!

Quistis: FINE! (enters the stage) What is it, Squall?

Squall: Well, Lantis needs someone to marry for a happy ending. You up to it?

Quistis: (eyes the crying Lantis) Him? I don't think so.

Lantis: Must I have to wait a long time?!

Quistis: Yes, you do. You should have the patience to hope and wait.

(curtains close and audience claps, well, some of them did)

Selphie: (coming out of the stage) Well, that's all folks! Wasn't it spectacular?

Edea: Um…tell me, Selphie, why did you even attempt to do a play?

Selphie: (giggling nervously) Well, we were bored?

Zell: (laughing hysterically) I loved it! It was sooo funny! Nice ending! AHAHAHA!

Eriol: Hm…I didn't know my own descendant would sink this low and act in a play written by Selphie.

Emeraude: Hey! Why am I exiled?

Eriol: That's because I'm more powerful than you.

Emeraude: No, you aren't! I am the Pillar of Cephiro!

Eriol: No, you aren't. You are dead.

Emeraude: Oh right.

Kaho: Come on, Eriol-kun, we have to go.

Ruby Moon: AHAHAHA! Yue is soooo funny!

Spinel Sun: He wasn't even in his true form, Ruby.

Ruby Moon: Who cares?!

(the whole cast comes out, bowing for the last time, when Mokona also comes in)

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Selphie: And the star of our show has come!

Lantis: Mokona?!

Selphie: YUP!

(a standing ovation was displayed for Mokona, who was bouncing about, and then the curtain closes, well, the remainder of the curtains close, and the audience leaves hurriedly, scared that they have to watch another play) 


	9. Epilogue

After the play After the play 

_ _

Clef: (still ripping through a script) Hehe…Now who's going to stop me?AHAHAHA!

Alcyone: Clef, the play is over.You can stop mutilating scripts now.

Clef: Not until I finish with this one! (rips it up) Ahhh….that's better.

Aeka: What a strange young man you are, Clef.

Clef: I am not a young man!I am more than 700 years old!

Washu: Well, so am I!Stop acting like a child then!Mutilating isn't a grown-up's way of thinking.

Yukito: I can finally open my mouth.Staying paralyzed made me hungry.

Syaoran: You're always hungry.

Yukito: That's true, but staying silent made me even more hungry.

Hikaru: Where's Selphie?

Sakura: Oh, she's hiding.

Ferio: Why would she do that?

Tomoyo: She's hiding from Lantis and Touya, who's chasing her.

Kiyone: (laughs) Well, she deserves it, after making Lantis go through all that.

Mihoshi: What did Selphie do?

Kiyone: Oh, be quiet, Mihoshi.

Mihoshi: But I want to know!

Aeka: You should have been paying attention.

Caldina and Lafarga: Wishing you the best, prayed that you are blessed, more success, no stress, and lots of happiness…

Clef: I'm a survivor!I'm not gon' give up!

Eagle: I'm not gon' stop, I'm gon work harder!

Alcyone: AAAAAHHHH! (runs out of the room)

Syaoran: Look what you guys did!

Lafarga: Hey, wait up, Alcyone!We haven't finished the song yet! (runs after Alcyone, followed by Caldina)

Shiva: MORONS.

Irvine: You know, Shiva, you sound a bit too familiar.

Shiva: (turns and smiles evilly at Irvine) REALLY?

Quistis: Fujin?

Shiva: (takes out her costume) CORRECT.

Umi: No wonder Squall couldn't get a word from her!

Fuu: Well, she did manage to produce sentences.

Fujin: SEIFER.WHERE?

Quistis: I think I saw him in the audience, but then he didn't return after the refreshments.

Fuu: Oh dear.

Syaoran: You don't have to keep saying that, you know.

(in the far corners of the room, a television set was on, and Eagle sat down next to Squall)

Squall: HOME RUN!

Eagle: WHOO WHOO WHOO!

Irvine: Alright!GROOVY!The championship baseball game!

Clef: NOOOOOO!!!! (runs out of the room) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Umi: Hey, where's Ascot?

Ascot: (comes in) I'm right here.Hey, we found Selphie.She was stuffed inside a tub of hot chocolate.

Touya: (also comes in) Freak.After all I went through, I didn't get paid.

Tarta: She deserves being dunked.

Tatra: Hey, don't be mean, we did get to be onstage.

Touya: (stares at the game) Oh no, another game to throw off my groove.

Ascot: Oh, shut up and read some nursery rhymes.

Touya: You shouldn't be talking, little man.

Ascot: LITTLE MAN?!I'm as tall as you are!

Yukito: Now, now, guys, no fighting!

Squall, Eagle, and Irvine: YEAH!YANKEES WON!

Lantis: (runs in) WHERE?!OH NO!I MISSED THE GAME!

Ryoko: That's kinda too bad, Lantis.

Lantis: WAAAAAAAAH!!!

Selphie: (screaming from somewhere) GUYS!GET ME OUT OF THIS TREE!GUYS!

(everyone ignores her and leaves the place)


End file.
